Feel Good Moment

You know when you start working out and you get going good for a month and then life takes over and you get busy and stop working out? Well, that was my story for a very long time. 5 years. I have a very "feel good moment" I want to write down to remember. 


Now no disrespect what so ever here, this is just for me to remember and for me to keep motivated. 


I started running with a friend for a while. We became really good and she pushed me to run miles I never thought I could. I ran my first 4 mile and 5 mile runs with her. Just having a running partner was awesome. Well about a month ago, finals hit and other stuff got in the way and she stopped running. I didn't have any excuses to stop running so I continued. Now, a month later, finals are over and life has slowed down for my friend so she started running with me again. I'm telling this story for this reason. We have ran twice together in the last few days and I've come such a long way. Today I ran 7 miles and she ran 3. While it's so awesome she is able to run again, I'm very pleased with what I've been able to do since she's been gone. Normally I would stop running and not do anything. And then, like my friend now has to do, I'd have to build myself back up to where I was. But I don't have to do that again. Because of my perseverance, commitment, goals, whatever you want to call it, I've continued to run and have become much better than I was a month ago. 


It was a moment that I needed. Something to prove to myself I'm still doing a good job. Especially in this season. With the holidays, it's been hard. I still get my workouts in, but I eat like crap. I'm not losing any weight but I'm not gaining any either. I haven't been pushing myself to go further/faster as much as I did when running with my friend, but I was still out doing something and doing that something has helped me. 


Every now and again, I need an eye opening moment so I can continue. Things start getting mundane and boring and it's very easy to stop. And then a month later, I'd start up again and repeat everything. But not this time. I've continued and I will continue. I am getting stronger and it sure feels amazing. As I was finishing up my last 2 miles today, I had a good conversation with myself. I've FINALLY started on my journey to who I want to become. This whole running thing is making me a better person. Physically and emotionally. 


I know I talk about this a lot, but after having my first baby, I became very depressed. I was a very angry, bitter person. I was always nagging and getting mad at my husband. I would get so mad at my baby who was so young. I can remember just screaming and hitting and feeling like crap. Feeling like nobody liked me, everyone was out to get me and to make my life miserable. I thought my husband thought every other girl out there was better than me and that he would leave me because of that. I was in a very, very dark place. I'm so blessed though to have my husband still with me after all the (insert curse word here) I put him through. And to have my daughter who is now 3 not remember anything. I was depressed until I had my eyes opened in 2010. I left my husband because "he was...he did...he...blah blah blah" I always blamed him. But after coming back after being gone for almost 2 months, things were better. Fast forward a year, we were blessed with our 2nd daughter. She is now 9 months old. I haven't been even close to as bad and as horrible as I was with my first. I've been able to enjoy her a 1,000 times more than I was able to with my first. BUT...I would still randomly slip into my depression. I would get after my oldest for silly things. I would yell so loud and was just never happy with her. I mean, I was....but I wasn't. Since I started running, I've slowly started getting happier. A complete happiness. I don't get after my oldest as much...still do...she's 3 and very busy/crazy. But I'm able to finally enjoy her. My husband and I are getting closer mainly because I'm not so jealous, accusing, whatever anymore. Another story to remember....With my husband, if we are out and I see a pretty girl, I would automatically assume he thought she was prettier. How high school, right? I know. But it's the truth. When we would meet friends and someone new was there, boy or girl, I was always intimidated and would never talk. It would take a few get together's to really feel I can be myself. If it was a girl...it would take a lot longer. But the other night, my husband and I went out and we met a friend and his new girlfriend. Normally, I wouldn't say anything and would have big letters across my forehead that said "B*I*T*C*H. (meaning me.) But we went out and I was laughing and messing around. I was myself. I feel so confident in every way that now I don't have a sign like that on my forehead anymore. I'm able to socialize better and communicate better. It's really awesome. I know in the past couple weeks I've sent texts to my sister and husband saying how great I feel and how I love feeling this way. AND that I love feeling pretty. Yes! I finally feel like I am pretty. I know how to do my hair and make up now and with me actually fitting into clothes and feeling good. I can remember before losing the weight and feeling good, there were more days than not that I would cry and cry because I didn't have anything that fit or that looked nice. I wouldn't go out because I looked fat. I would cry because I didn't want to go to church because I looked fat. I cried when going shopping because I couldn't find any clothes that fit me. Now when I go shopping, I cry because I don't have enough money to buy all the cute clothes I find. Ok, maybe I don't really cry about that but you get the point.

We took a few family photos the other day and when I saw this photo, I literally cried. (I cry a lot, huh?) But I cried because I finally liked the way I looked. Normally I would delete the picture and then not take anymore. But finally, I can have photos with my family and think that I look beautiful. What a great feeling. 


I challenge all who read this to start something. Get up, get off facebook/pinterest and do something for yourself. Speaking of facebook, I honestly feel that had a role in my depression. I would read my friend's status updates about how amazing this was they did with their family, how amazing their husband's are...blah you get the picture. I 100% dislike facebook and I think it's a complete waste of time. I think people abuse their rights of status updates and I wonder how many people just update to get attention, to show off, to feel better about their lives. Got off topic a bit, but I do challenge you with this new year, set some goals and KEEP THEM! Do something. I promise you, your life will get better. You will feel so much happier. I PROMISE! 

Another 5k?

It's true, I ran another 5k on December 17th and I'm just NOW getting to write about it.


My first 5k was October 22, 2011. I ran it in just over 31 minutes. Since then I have ran a 5k November 5th, November 24 and then my last on December 17th. My November 5th race was still right around 31 minutes. Then on Thanksgiving my time was 28 minutes! 


Coming into this race on December 17th, I had a goal of getting in the 25 minute range. I got 26 minutes and ONE SECOND!!! Gah! I was kind of REALLY bitter. I know it's an amazing personal record and I beat my last time by 2 minutes, but for some reason I was just kind of mad at myself. Don't ask why. It's silly, I know.


The race was the most intense race I've done. There were 500+ people!! I got a spot up by the starting spot. One of my last races I went to the back, only like 60 people there though, but trying to weave around everyone killed me. And since I had a goal of 25 minutes, I headed up front. When the man blew the horn everyone SPRINTED off. A guy was tripped in front of me and I had to jump to not kick his heels and trip myself. It was so insane starting. So many people! It was intense! The whole race I felt like I was sprinting. Every now and again I felt like I could pick up my pace, so I did. I felt really really good the whole time. At about the half mile left point, I began to get really cramp-y. I really wanted to pick up my pace and run as fast as I could, but I couldn't! As I crossed the finish line and then learned of my time, I got mad at myself for not running just a little faster! The whole day I was just beating myself up. Why didn't I just push a little harder. If I would have, I would have reached my goal. 


I think maybe it was a good learning experience for me. With this whole weight loss/getting into shape, I haven't really set any goals. But if I have, I've reached them with ease. Maybe the goal itself wasn't very hard to reach in the first place? Who knows. But everything changed this morning. I received an email from the people hosting the race, and in that email was the official race results. I opened the link not expecting to see anything interesting, but you know what I found?? Out of 345 girls I took 31st!!!! Seriously!?! I was soooo proud. So excited. I sent a text to some of  my family and had a bragging moment, sorry! But man! Really? Out of 345 girls I took 31st? WOW! And I took 11th out of 89 girls in my 20-29 age group. I had no idea I did that well. Now I'm beating myself up for beating myself up after the race! haha Just kidding. But I've learned to not do that. And just be proud of everything I do. 


I cannot express my emotions right now. Going from a fatty mom who didn't stick to any workout plans for 4 years, starting out not even being able to run a whole mile, now just 2 1/2 months later I am running a 26 minute 5k, a 7'50 minute mile and completing a 12k (7.5 miles). I can't believe it. It seriously just amazes me. And to tell the truth, I have no idea what is keeping me going. I've just made it into a habit now. I don't even think about it anymore. If I miss a day, I just feel horrible. I'm starting to do 2 workouts a day now because I'm hitting a plateau. I read somewhere that when you first start a workout, your body has to work really hard and after repeating the workout your body doesn't have to work as hard. I didn't think about that. Honestly, it makes total sense. But I figured if I ran this many miles per week, I'd keep losing. and I'm not. Running 4 miles isn't hard at all anymore. Running at a 9 minute per mile that is. So I need to get a little faster pace. (Speaking of 4 miles, I usually run the same amount each week. Mondays 4, Wednesdays 3, and Fridays 5 or 6. So I have ran a few 4 mile routes. My time is usually around 45 minutes. So this past Monday, I set out for my run and ended up finishing 10 minutes faster! It was awesome! 


Anyway, kind of got long winded. I am so proud of where I've come in just 2 1/2 months. I hope I can still be inspiring to those of you who read my updates. Anyone can do this. You have to just dig deep and remember why. Once you start seeing results or start running longer distances with out stopping, you will get a ton more motivation and keep going. I promise. That's what starting developing my running/working out into a habit. 

Fastest Mile!

Another week has come and gone. Insane!! Time is just flying! This week has been a strange week. Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday morning it was overcast and rainy out. Rainy enough to not be able to run the roads by me with a stroller.

After my 12k run on Saturday, I tool Sunday off (I usually do anyway) And when Monday came around, it was so wet and puddles everywhere that I couldn't workout again. Tuesday came and it was still wet and rainy and I was feeling a little depressed. Getting a little cabin fever and needing to get out. So when Tanner got home around 3, I headed out to go run. My plan was to run to the mountain about 2 miles down the road, hike the mountain and run home. It's always been a goal of mine. I headed out and it was freezing cold and raining. I made it a mile and decided to turn around. It was lame-o! On my run back I decided to see how fast I could run the mile. Most my miles are over 10 minutes. I ran that mile in 7 minutes and 48 seconds. It was awesome! Something else I want to remember....after I went Sunday and Monday with no workout and then thinking I wasn't going to be able to get one in on Tuesday I honestly got scared that I would start gaining weight or losing endurance or just something bad would happen. I was beating myself up for not getting out when the rain did clear up for an hour or so on Monday or Tuesday morning. But the amazing thing is when I went out to run just those two miles on Tuesday....they were so extremely easy. EASY! I couldn't believe it. I was sure I had gained back those 16 pounds in those days off. But I didn't. (Silly, I know) But I have just worked so dang hard to get that weight off I would be devastated if they came back that fast. I know in reality they wouldn't, but still, it was a fear. And how wonderful it was to not gain that weight and still have my running. It was awesome.

12k

Yesterday was the big race. Before I start, I decided not to pay the $30 to run in the "official" 12k race but instead mapped out my run around Peoria. My parents live out there and they watched my girls so I could run. 


Well, going into the run knowing exactly what streets to run to and what not, I was really nervous. I grew up in Peoria and drove these streets a lot. After mapping the run, I sat and looked at the loop. I couldn't believe I was going to run that. It seemed a lot longer than I thought. Before running I didn't know the mile markers. Each street is a mile a part, same with the major avenues. I started getting REALLY intimidated! As I arrived to my parent's house I had a lot of thoughts running through my mind. Most of which where excuses not to run. (I'm really good at making excuses.) As I headed out the door and did my warm up I didn't feel any better. I just felt so overwhelmed. It seemed so unreal to me that me, this fatty mom (not so fatty anymore but that's how I still think of myself) who hasn't really worked out in 5 years was going to run SEVEN AND A HALF MILES!! SEVEN AND A HALF?!?! Oh my goodness. It was unreal. Well I got to my starting point, turned my music on, and headed out.  My run started at my parent's house and went east for 2.5 miles. I would then head north for a mile and then head back west for the 2.5 miles and made another loop around this neighborhood to make it 7.5 miles. Anyway, that first 2.5 miles was the intimidating part. I have had friends who lived down that way and driving there seemed far, as a teenager. And now I was going to run it!? The first mile is always the hardest. Getting the muscles warmed up and joints too. But before I knew it I was down 2.5 miles and made my way up the one mile north. (Here is a link to a map, not sure if it works but maybe if you saw the route it would make sense?) After finishing that 2.5 miles, it really all became easy. Easier I should say. I became more mentally tough and decided that I would finish this race. As I hit mile 5, I remember getting a really bad side cramp. I tried working it out as I ran but it didn't help. So I decided to stop running. As soon as I stopped running, my knees, ankles, shins, everything started to ache. I picked up my pace and the pain went away. I then knew I couldn't walk. Fast forward to the last mile. There were several points in that last mile where I kind of got emotional. I just couldn't believe what I've been able to transform myself into. For years I've struggled with my looks and insecurities and now I am RUNNING 7.5 miles. It was so amazing. I felt so proud of myself. Accomplished is a better word. Either way, I was doing something FINALLY. Finally doing what I said I was going to do. I've always had troubles with motivation to work out. I'd do something for a month and then completely stop. And so now, to have been able to lose the weight I have already and to be running the most I have ever ran in my life, I was so....unstoppable is the word that comes to mind. I ran faster. I sprinted that last mile. I felt AMAZING. When I finished I let out a big whoo-hoo and a few tears as I walked back to my parent's house. Man, that walk back HURT! haha Every muscle and joint ached so bad. But I busted out a few more fist pumps and who-rah's and walked inside my parent's house. I did it. I DID IT!!! I DID IT!!! No word can describe my feelings. I cannot believe I actually did it! I ran the 7.5 miles in an hour and 15 minutes. Average pace was 10 minutes a mile. 


I'm so motivated to continue and pursue that marathon! I know exactly what I need to do to get there and I cannot wait until I can write about my marathon run like I'm doing now with my 12k. CANNOT WAIT! 

Down 4!!

What a crazy week!! Starting out with workouts


Monday - ran 6 miles 59min
Tuesday - 2 mile hike
Wednesday - 5 mile bike ride (trying to change things up....don't want to get burnt out of running.)
Thursday - 2 mile hike
Friday - Resting for race
Saturday - 12k RACE!! (7.5 miles)


I'm so excited for what I have been able to accomplish in just 2 short months. When I first started I couldn't even run a mile without stopping! And now I'm running 6 with no breaks. It's incredible to see that change in just a little amount of time. It really motivates me. 


Want to know something else amazing?? Here's some background first to understand why it's amazing.


2007 I was married. I weighed 134lbs.
2008 I had a baby, I got up to 163 while pregnant. I lost most...but not all. I got to 140. 
Depression paid a visit and I didn't work out, and I gained weight. 
2010 - 145 pregnant #2. Got up to 175 with pregnancy. Lost some baby weight and stayed at 150. I had baby #2 in April 2011 and stayed 150lbs until I started running in October 2011. 
And after two months of working out I'm back down to......

I weighed in yesterday, and when I saw that number on the scale I CRIED! I felt incredible! INCREDIBLE!! I haven't weighed that for almost 5 years!!!!! Ahh! It's such a great feeling! I had been 138lbs for almost a whole month! It was devastating! I got discouraged for a while. I know in my last post I mentioned how frustrated I was. It was definitely motivating to step on the scale and see that number! I know there's more the lose, I seem to be holding more weight now in my midsection. Love handles, tummy. But I am really going to just soak in that number all I can. I love it! 


I have lost 16 pounds now. 16!! And do you know what?? I do eat candy and junk every now and again. I'm not the greatest eater and I still was able to get down to almost my goal weight! I'm shooting for 130...well..125 but realistically I'd be perfectly happy at 130. I wonder what would happen if I cut out that junk, AGAIN, would I lose more? I feel amazing. I enjoy my workouts and I look forward to them everyday! 


I am also extremely blessed with 2 awesome girls who sit through my runs in their stroller. Or sometimes they even fall asleep. But not once do I hear them cry or complain. They are awesome. I love them so much! 


Do you know what's cool? Now that I'm feeling better physically, everything else is going great as well. My house is cleaner, my family is happier, I'm not so lazy. It's great. 


Tomorrow is a big day for me. I'm running a 12k! 7.5 miles! If you'd ask me 3 months ago what I think about running a 12k...I'd just laugh and call you crazy. I'm not a runner. Never was. But now....I consider myself to be one. And when I first started running, thinking to myself, "hey let's train for a half marathon" I wanted to...but in all honesty, I didn't think it would happen. Really. So what's pushed me this far and so close to running a half? Well just the fact that every week I am running further. 6 miles last week...7.5 tomorrow. That to me is amazing. I don't add every week. Especially now that I'm getting to longer runs. And I'm switching out a run once a week for a bike ride, This is just so cool. I'm excited for how much I can run. And for how much I'm losing! Who would have thought? :)


( I have a secret mission to fit into my wedding dress! Anyone else? I have tried it on several times since having my first baby, and it doesn't fit. Still after losing 16 pounds and weighing what I did when I was married...still nothing. I will fit in it again. Let's set a goal of by the first of the new year, I will wear it.) 

First 6 Miler!

We took a trip to Utah last week and from that, I have gotten really behind on everything. For workout purposes, the week of Thanksgiving I ran 7 miles. Suck-y. But that's what happens on vacation. I ran once before we left and I tried to get a family 5k race on Thanksgiving morning. A few ran. And it was fun. I ran a 28 minute 5k. That's 4 minutes faster than my last 2! I was ecstatic! 


Anyway, life has kind of been a roller-coaster these last 2 weeks. With sick girls and emotions crazy, it's been hard. From the last time I updated til now. 


This last week I ran a total of 14 miles! Awesome, right? I had a big accomplishment last week as well. I ran my first 6 miles! Friday. With the stroller. It was pretty hard but something inside me just kept me going. I could hardly walk after finishing. But I did it! I ran it in 1 hour and 10 minutes. I used that run to decide if I want to do a 12k race this coming weekend. The only thing keeping me from doing it is the money. It's $30 but I am running another 5k on the 17th with some friends. And that was $20. These races are adding up! I might just do my own 12k. But I like the competitive feel of the race. Decisions. 


I've lost another pound. Getting ridiculous. I was hoping to be to 130 by now. But I'm not. It gets kind of frustrating. Especially when I know people who are dropping 30+ lbs in the same amount of time as me. But...I think they are cheating. haha HCG? I should probably not compare but man, I wish I could drop weight like that. Just a healthier way. 


Anyway, I'm feeling really good. Crazy to think that just two months ago I could barely run a mile and now I'm running 6 without stopping. It's awesome. Well that's all for now. I have an easy week this week. Possibly a 12k on Saturday...check back then :)