When You Want To Succeed

I heard a quote the week before last week that's pretty much ignited a fire within me.

When you want to succeed as much as you want to breathe, that's when you'll be successful.

That just hits me to the core. For so long I've had a goal of qualifying for Boston and yet I don't really feel that I was ever 100% committed or motivated to really actually reach that goal. But now, more than ever, I WANT IT BAD! I want it because I want it and no one else.

I am a very competitive person. I have a lot of determination towards reaching a goal. I mentioned in my last post that I've been making goals based off everyone else. And I didn't have a whole lot of motivation to really succeed with any of those. But now I've figured out what I really want and I'm going to get it.

This past year of running has been so up and down and all offer the place. This past week or so I've really had to rebuild mentally and physically. I'm a numbers person. I run based off performance. My best. I push myself to reach certain goals. I have been told several times this week that, one way or another, that I'm not doing it right, doing too much, or something along those lines. I HATE being told I'm not doing it right or I'm doing too much. I'm sorry, but I am not you and I know MY BODY and what works best. For far too long I've done it everyone else's way and that's gotten me NO WHERE. It's time to do me and focus on what works best for me.

All too often I've been told that the way I train is not the right way. I've trained and ran hundreds of miles over the last 2 years, I am starting to understand that I do know best, when it comes to me and training. I've used several different kinds of trainings and did tons of research about how to train properly. But I think it all comes down to trial and error. Over this past year I have wanted a PR in a marathon and of the 5 I have ran after my first, I have come close to getting a PR but always come up short. I truly believe it's because of my training. I'll be sharing more about this as I get closer to race day, in February, because again, this is trial and error. But it's something I am confident in.

This past week was a week of rebuilding and getting consistent. I finished out running and biking a total of 42 miles, 14 bike 28 running. I did some speed work, ran 1 mile worth of bleachers, body weight strength training, and mental training.

Monday-rest day from a big weekend
Tuesday- 5 miles of speed work (1 mile w/u, 3 mile repeats with 2 min rest between each mile 7:01, 7:16, 7:19, 1 mile c/d)
Wednesday-6 miles on my bike pulling my kiddos. That evening I ran 1 mile of bleachers
Thursday- 2 miles recovery, very sore from the bleacher run haha
Friday-rest
Saturday-20.2 miles (sprinted the extra .2 for mental training) 8 mile bike ride with my family
Sunday-unexpected rest day....rainy outside and I am pretty sore from the 20 miler.

This past weeks goal was consistency. I've been struggling for a while at being consistent and so I made that a priority.

This next week I am adding in weight training. I have always felt the need to lift weights but never have. I made my own little home gym and super excited about it. Time to kick it into high gear and finally reach my goals!

The 2 main goals for the year are:

Sub 20 minute 5k on November 9th

First half marathon, racing, November 17th. (Yes, I have run the half marathon distance but not in a race setting at my own pace, very excited!)

I do have a 5k September 21, marathon #7 October 5th (no goal) I will probably run another 5k in December if I don't hit my goal on November 9th. I love racing season!!

What A Year

I can't believe I've gone since December without posting anything on here.

Where to even begin? This year has been such a crazy ride. I've accomplished a lot and I should be proud of myself, but I'm not. I've been fighting depression since finishing my first marathon in October last year. Things have been so all over the place and I`ve felt somewhat like I am drowning.

I have accomplished a lot, finished 6 marathons and 5 weeks out from my next marathon, I've hit PR's for certain distances, had really good training weeks....but there's still something missing. This past week has been a week of reflection and reevaluation. Going over my past trainings and looking at the weeks and months and figuring out why I'm where I'm at.

I've had lots of good and even amazing runs....but as a whole, I've been so inconsistent and random. When I first started running and up until my first marathon, I was able to beat depression and enjoy running where now, I feel like running is a chore. Or I have to keep doing it because (insert reasons here). When I first started running, I just ran. Ran to how I felt. I honestly can say that I'm in worse shape (meaning in my own opinion) today than I was after finishing my first marathon.

As I reflected this week, it hit me. I was no longer running for me but to try and impress people. I'm totally embarrassed by this, but it's the truth. It all started because of social media. I would post my runs and all about them and then all the opinions came pouring in. The good opinions and compliments but also the bad, negative comments. I started doing things according to what others said. Stated relying on their experiences and advice rather than my own. I absolutely love reading, weird because those words have never come out of my mouth before, and figuring out myself the ways to train or do something. But instead I listened to people who had no idea how I trained or knew what really turned me on to running. As this happened, things started to get ugly and I started, emotionally, heading back to where I was before I even started running. And that was a place I swore I never would go back to. But it was such a gradual thing that I didn't even realize this falling backwards until last week. It was a week from you know where. One of my worst weeks ever. I'm embarrassed by it. But I'm letting it be an eye opener and a lesson.

I made all these goals for this year, including a 100 mile race. But the more I think about that....that's not what I WANT to do. (Especially since the race was around a 1 MILE LOOP course and you run until you're done. Not my idea of fun. Seriously.) So I've canceled those, thankfully I hadn't paid for anything yet! I do have plans to one day Do a 50 mile trail run, not a loop course haha but for now, my biggest goals are those related with speed. I want to get a sub 20 minute 5k and a qualifying time for Boston.

I love pushing myself and seeing how fast I can go. Of course I would get upset when I didn't perform my best and didn't hit my goal pace and I was told quite often that pace doesn't matter and to let go of it. So I tried it for a few months and come to find out, I like pushing my pace and pushing to see what I can do. That's what makes me feel good. I feel strong.

I went trail running today, my first time, and I pushed myself. Trail running is way harder than road running, especially where I live. The roads are flat for miles and miles and miles. So running on hills, up and down, is way more difficult. But I absolutely loved it. I loved that near barf feeling after pushing hard uphill and then the legs about to give out feeling when running downhill. That's who I am. I like it and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

It's time to get back on track and do what I love to do and forget what others say or think.

The craziest part of this year is just realizing how subtle this all came on. I never used to care what others opinions were. I disconnected from the social media and just did me. Time to get back to that. Especially since it's not just me that's being affected by this, but my family as well.

Sorry if this post is kind of all over the place. There's lots going on but I felt the need to write it down. <3