Happy One Year!!!

I know I've talked about my journey a lot on this blog. But I'm going to start from the beginning again. I want to write my whole story in one place. Now that the year has come and gone, I'm very excited to share what I've learned! Let's begin!

Growing up and all through high school I was always in great shape. I played volleyball for many, many years competitively. After graduating high school I played one year of college ball and that year was the year I was in the best shape of my life. We got worked hard, lifting, sprints, and sport specific training. But, I also believe this is when my depression hit. It may have hit in high school as well. But looking back I may have always had some sort of it. (I haven't been “titled” depression but this is the word I use to describe me.) After getting marriage in 2007, I feel it only got worse. My husband and I struggled, as most newly weds do, to get along. We fought a lot. By the time I was married, which was a year after quitting volleyball I had gained weight. Not much....but still it was there. Let's give the numbers. In college, I was 125lbs. Shortly before I was married I was 132lbs. 6 months after being married we got pregnant. NOT planned. As with all pregnancies, I gained weight. At 9 months pregnant I was 163lbs. Not bad, a 31 lbs gain. During my pregnancy, I became very hard to live with. Looking back, I don't do well with hormones. I turned crazy(er). I was very angry all the time. I yelled a lot. And the fighting with my husband got worse. After having my baby, I lost all my weight. ALL of it. I fit into my pre pregnancy clothes again just within 2 weeks after delivering! A few months went by and with all the hardships of having a newborn and being a first time mommy and having a marriage that was difficult, I started to gain weight. I really can't think of a word that best describes how I was. I was mean. Very mean! I was short tempered and never happy. My husband has said that no matter what he did, he was always wrong. If he did something right, it was still wrong. If he did it wrong, he was wrong. Probably about a year or year and a half after having my baby, I weighed 145lbs. (Remember my “perfect” weight was 125lbs. This was 20lbs heavier. Big deal right? It's just 20lbs. You'd be surprised at what 20lbs looks like. I was officially in my darkest days. I began to be abusive to my husband. Physically and verbally. It's very hard for me to talk about and looking back, I really want to believe that it didn't happen. How could I have gotten so mean? This was about the time that I left him. I wanted a divorce. I figured he was my problem. He made me this way so if I left him, I would be back to happy. I wasn't. I got sadder. Not as mad/angry. Just sad because of how I was the WHOLE marriage. 2 years of being mean, angry, demanding, always thinking bad things were going on. It was a very hard way to live. But being away from him, I actually had my eyes opened. I realized that the problem was me. I say I was mean and angry but that's me looking back and realizing. But at that time, I didn't know it was my fault. We were separated for 6 weeks. We got back together and went to counseling for a little while. But by then, I knew what was wrong. Me. I didn't want to keep paying $80 for an hour session once a week. So we stopped going to counseling. Things were a lot better now. We were able to have a conversation without fighting. We went out on dates. It was like a normal marriage. It was awesome! But...I still felt those bad feelings. At times I really had to use self control to not yell and scream in situations like I would have before. My husband then pointed out that I needed something to make me happy. He mentioned trying out medicine. I thought long and hard about it...but I knew it wasn't for me. I didn't like the thought of having to pop pills to help me be happy. I totally understand that people use them and it's awesome how the medicine can help...it just wasn't for ME. I was too prideful to take them. I wanted to fix me. And it was then that I started the search. I tried baking. I just felt fatter eating cookies. I tried scrap booking. But that was time consuming. I turned to my Heavenly Father. I began pleading and begging to find my “happy” What could make me happy. I spent the next 2 ½ years searching. It was a hard search. I cried nightly because of how badly I wanted to be happy. Within this time, I wanted another baby. My first child was almost 2 years old and I didn't want a huge age difference between the two. My husband said that once I lose all my extra weight, we could try for another baby. (He was only trying to help motivate me to lose:) I had told him I wanted to get back down to 125lbs. So I tried and tried. Sort of. I started one workout and did it for a few weeks, then it stopped. I'd pick it back up and same thing, after a few weeks I stopped. It was hard though. Being a mom to a young child, I had a hard time getting “me time.” So, I dropped the goal and ended up getting pregnant. I was still at 145lbs, never losing weight while working out. In my second pregnancy, I got up to 176lbs. After having my baby I was 162lbs and this time the weight didn't fall off like my first pregnancy. My 25^th birthday was coming up and for about a month before my birthday, I had this feeling that this was the year. This was the year my life was going to change. I was for once excited for my birthday. What was going to make this so special for me? I had no idea. But I knew in my heart something huge was going to happen. I randomly heard about a 5k race nearby and I, for some reason, wanted to run it. I was NOT a runner. I ran track in high school, but I was a sprinter. Long distance is something completely opposite! And I had tried to run several times since having my first child, but it was HARD and it HURT. So I never stuck with it. But for some reason, I had this feeling that I needed to do this 5k. So I talked to my husband and we both signed up. I was scared to death!! What did I just do!? I never in my life have ran more than a mile. And worst of all....I HATED RUNNING!! As I prepared for this 5k race, I had no idea what I was doing. I started out running 1 minute, walking 1 minute. And with each new week I added a minute to the running and left the 1 minute walking. After 3 weeks of this, I realized my 5k race was a week away and I hadn't even ran more that 1 mile. So, The Wednesday before, I pushed myself to 2 miles. And I think this is where I got a little hit with the “bug.” After finishing a very hard 2 miles, I bawled. Yes, a lot! I was so shocked and so proud that I actually hit the 2 mile point! I was beyond excited! That feeling of finishing something that seemed impossible is beyond words. It's an addictive feeling too. Anyway, Saturday morning, race day, came and my husband and I arrived at the starting line. We did a little warming up but I was extremely nervous! I wanted to do well. I didn't want to fail. I am not a good loser. I'm to competitive to lose. I had a goal to not walk at all in the race AND.....to beat my husband. He's always been a faster runner...he is a foot taller so I blame his stride haha The gun went off and without even knowing, my life changed. The feeling I had during this run was incredible. I past a lot of other runners and we all smiled at each other and said our “good jobs” “keep it up” way to go” and I felt amazing. I finally had a place to put my competitive heart. As I turned the corner and saw the finish line, I started to cry. The feeling you get when you see the finishing line is beyond words. I tried to gather myself because there were people around the finish. I wiped away my tears and finished. I got lots of high fives and words of encouragement. I seriously felt amazing. Like I had just won the whole race. I was on top of the world! I achieved my goals too. I didn't walk and I beat my husband. We decided to stick around for the awards ceremony. Just for fun. I knew I wasn't no where as fast as some of the others, plus I really didn't know how it worked. I didn't know they did it by gender and age group. I ended up getting second place for my age group! WHAT!? I, of course, started crying. I tried sooo hard to keep those emotions covered but I'm sure everyone saw. This is when I knew I had found MY HAPPY. I'm so incredibly grateful to my Heavenly Father for leading me in this direction. I know I couldn't have done it without Him. All my prayers had been answered that race day morning. He knew how badly I wanted to be happy and how I needed something to help. After this race, I decided to take a year and work on myself. To become to happiest I could be. I decided to push myself to run a half marathon. Through that training, I saw my life, my attitude changing. But I also saw the pounds literally falling off. I started this running weighing around 163lbs and by the time I was ran my half marathon, I weighed 130lbs! I had reached my goal weight just 3 months after starting to run! This definitely kept me running. Who would have known just 3 more months I would be down another 10 pounds! I am still amazed at how fast my weight dropped. But in a way I'm not too surprised. I really pushed myself hard. I did lots of speed training and I ate right. I didn't eat a whole lot of junk. I tried to cut out soda, fast food, sweets, all of that. Notice I said “tried” it's not easy. But I think my running out did the junk food so it didn't have an affect on me. Anyway, after running my half marathon I realized how far I had come in just 3 months. So I wanted to push myself more. At this time, I also met a new friend. I found out she had ran 27 marathons and I was blown away. Someone can run that many in a lifetime?? Then she went on to tell me that there are crazier people out there who have ran many more than her. I wanted to be a crazy! So, off I went, training for a full marathon!! 26.2 miles!

Since January, my life has changed so much. I've had my eyes opened to little life changing experiences. One example is on my baby's first birthday I had my sister videotape the gift opening. I wanted to take pictures and my husband was helping open the presents. I can't remember what happened, I think my husband wasn't doing it “right” so I took over. It was then that something happened. I can't remember what made me mad, but I was a little. Seriously, just a little bugged. But when I saw that part on video, yep, you guessed it. I cried. I couldn't believe how “ugly” I looked. I was shocked. But I also was able to see how pretty I was too. I've always had confidence issues and never thought I was pretty. But I saw it. From that point on, I tried my hardest to not get mad because I really got embarrassed about how I looked. I wish everyone could have that opportunity to see themselves mad. I guarantee people would be a whole lot happier. Also along this journey I have learned to cut out negativity in my life. I dwell on negativity and it eats me inside and then I become bitter and angry. I had an experience once where something bad happened. Something unfair. It wasn't to me though. I felt horrible for this person and couldn't believe it actually happened. BUT here's the thing. I felt happy inside. Not because of this unfair situation, just because I was doing well in my own life. But I chose to sit and dwell and be bitter about this certain unfair situation. And I literally saw my day go from happy let's go out and play to....I don't want to do anything so I'm going to sit on the couch and watch movies with my kids all day. Pathetic! I learned that I can't let someone else or anything else affect my happy. I can't sit and dwell on negativity.

I sit here and reflect on this year. I had a lot of supporters and also some doubters. I so wish I could see their faces now that I have finished what I set out to do. I ran a flippen marathon!! 26.2 miles!! And you know what?? I would do it over and over and over again. The way this running journey has changed me, I would do it 1,000 times over again. It's been a long year full of everything. Happiness, successes, failures, weight loss, learning about nutrition, lots and lots of research online, drama, hurt feelings, learning from the hurt feelings, and then finishing my ultimate goal, running a marathon. I'm so glad that this year is over. I feel I have gained a lot more respect from people. And that is a great feeling because of so many haters that didn't think I'd do it. I also love the fact that the marathon is over because I feel I can help out so many more people. I seriously want to share everything I know to every one! Running is my life and it's changed me into a person that I only dreamed of.

On to the nutrition side of all this. I have learned SOO much about nutrition. I didn't really know anything about it before this. I think I only ate 1000-1200 calories a day and drank 16oz of water a day. BAD!! It all makes sense thought. The lack of energy, the bad attitude, the headaches...all from poor nutrition. The calories I did consume during the day were bad. Normally skipped breakfast, had a small lunch, some junk food, and then a dinner. With all this training, I got up to eating nearly 4000 calories a day, mostly healthy foods. I say mostly because of traveling or laziness we'd eat out. As I traveled through this journey, I learned how to eat and take care of myself. I feel soo much better now. I'll admit, I do have days when I make poor food decisions but I feel HORRIBLE. Not horrible because I know better, physically and mentally horrible because I don't function well. I'm more irritable, emotional, and lazy. It's an amazing lesson to learn. But I know that eating healthy, and I don't mean EXTREME....no white sugar, no flour, no junk ever...just limit yourself and eat more fruits and vegetables. It's a lifestyle change...not a 3 month diet you're bound to fail. Start slowly getting ride of the soda, fast food, candy...stuff like that and start adding in the healthier foods. It REALLY makes a difference.

I know that by me going through this journey I can reach out and help anyone who needs it. If you have any ounce of desire to change your life or to lose weight I am here! I honestly love helping others get started and seeing them succeed! I have free advice and free encouragement. Don't ever hesitate to ask!

I'm mean this when I say it...If I, Emily Toone Buck, can run a marathon, I PROMISE that anyone can! Live by these three words. Dedication, Determination, and Discipline!!!

And now time for the Before and After Photos!!

AFTER!!

Marathon!!

Why hello blogging world!! Did you miss me?? Sorry I haven't posted in FOREVER! It's been a long few months with hard, hard training! But, now that I'm done with the marathon and BOTH my kids are taking naps, I have a few minutes to share a quick summary of my marathon.

I woke up early Saturday morning to get ready. I walked down to the bus loading zone to meet some friends. After finding a few of them we loaded up and rode the bus to the start. With there being nearly 7400 people running I didn't get to sit next to anyone I knew. I felt lonely and a little nervous. As we got off the bus I headed over to the bathrooms and made one last bathroom stop before running. The start was kind of rushed so I didn't really get to take in all that was going on. We lined up and the race started. It was really cold out with a nice strong tailwind which helped push through the first 6 miles. At mile 7.5 was the start of the dreaded Veyo hill. This hill was a mile long at according to my GPS watch was about a 7% incline. It was tough but I made it through and felt great. I hit the half way point at 1hr and 50minutes. A 8'23 average pace. I was very happy with that. I felt great until mile 18. Then I started getting really mentally weak. I had distractions and wasn't really focused. I was searching and searching to see my family in the crowd but couldn't find them. That was extremely hard. I really needed to see a familiar face. It would have given me that lift I needed to push harder. By mile 23 I wanted to stop. My muscles began to hurt really bad and started cramping. I was just waiting for charlie horses to enter my entire body. Around mile 24.5 I got one. It was in my right calf and it made my toes curl under and wouldn't release for a few minutes. I stopped and tried to relax and stretch it out but nothing worked. I decided instead of wasting time, I'd continue running. I ran for about a half mile with my toes cramped up. It was such a weird feeling, but it finally relaxed and I started to run normal again. I felt like I was the only one on the course. I didn't really notice the spectators. I felt very alone and very depressed. I kept looking for my family or for someone willing to help push me the last 1 1/5 miles, but no one was in sight. I kept pushing though, forgot about how much I had left and zoned out. I thought about the finish line and what is was going to be like. I turned a corner and saw the finish. It was the last .2 of the marathon. That was THE HARDEST PART! As I made my way down, I saw the pacer for the 4 hour mark pass me. I could have died. I sooo wanted to be under 4hours and it crushed me as she past. I was mad. Mad that I couldn't go any faster. I was just waiting to hit the wall big time. The wall is when your body literally feels like you hit a wall. It locks up and you can't move. Basically one big charlie horse. I felt it coming every time I picked up the pace or got excited for the finish. I literally had to think of nothing. I crossed the finish, got my medal, and found some chocolate milk. My most favorite thing in the entire world! My phone had died during the race because Tanner and I kept calling each other trying to find one another, so I asked a volunteer if I could use her phone. I told Tanner where I was and I just sat in the grass. As I sat down my body got so tight. Soon, all my family found me and got me up to find a better spot to relax. My older brother Tim and his wife Christina, who is a physical therapist finishing up school, helped massage my muscles and stretched me out. I was soo grateful they were there. I would have been a ball in the corner dying if not for them. After a little while of relaxing we went to go find something to eat, but I had no appetite. The only thing that sounded good was the chocolate milk. So I had more. We hung around for a little while but ended up leaving for lunch. While at lunch I talked to Tanner a little and just started bawling. I was so upset that I didn't get under the 4 hour mark. I know I was only off by 3 minutes, but 3 minutes is a long time. After crying it out I felt a little better, hate how that works. Tanner told me how awesome it was to see me running with all those other people and how great I looked. That really made me happy. He doesn't say things like that often so when he does it makes everything worth it. We headed home to AZ and I was so achy. My quads, hamstrings, knees, and abs were incredibly sore. We stopped in Flagstaff to eat dinner and getting out of the car was the hardest thing ever. I literally had to use my arms to move my legs. It was wild.

As I sit here a few days later, I reflect on this past year. It's been a crazy ride getting here but I'm so glad I did it. I learned many lessons, especially from the marathon itself.

Things I learned from the race:

Get there early to enjoy the atmosphere.

Plan on going to bed every day early the week before the race. (I tried to, but my kids didn't cooperate.)

For a first time marathoner...pick a near by race. Pick a flat course. And if you train with someone, run

with someone during the marathon.

Don't plan on seeing family during the race. If you expect to see them and you don't, it takes a huge tole on you. If you do get to see them and didn't know it was going to be happen it will be an awesome lift.

When you feel yourself mentally losing it, pull over and stop for a minute. Gather your thoughts and remember WHY you are doing it.

In training, plan to run a 22-24 mile training run. I really wanted to do this in my training but for a few reasons it didn't happen. I truly think it would have helped me the last 3 or 4 miles of the race.

I'm feeling better about my finishing time now. I'm not 100% happy with it but at least I didn't quite. And I've signed up for another race in February and a potential 3^rd marathon in June with my sister-in-law!

I plan to write more about this past year and what I've learned about life in another post on my birthday. Along with before and after photos. I'm hoping to get some photos from the marathon soon to post as well.

I really want to be better at keeping track of my trainings on the blog. Things just got really difficult during this training and blogging didn't happen. I hope to manage things better and not let things affect me so much in a negative way. I'm very glad my first marathon is out of the way because of so many reasons. I was doubted a lot during training by others and I let that affect me. So now that I've already done one, I won't worry about what others say. ESPECIALLY opinions from those who have never ran a marathon.

I'm so excited to be where I am. I absolutely love helping anyone who has a desire to run. ANYONE can do it, you just have to have that desire. Thank you to all of you who helped me along this journey. The emails telling me that I helped inspire you to get your running shoes on and get out REALLY helped push me to continue. That has to be the best feeling ever. Knowing that something has changed me life so much but then that my story is helping others makes it sooo much sweeter.  

Goals?

It seems I've been reading and finding a lot of new blogs lately. Running blogs. I love it! It also seems that on those blogs their specific goals are mentioned. It's got me thinking a lot about what I'm wanting to do after my marathon in October!

When I started running back in October 2011 I never really thought I'd ACTUALLY run a marathon. I had planned to run a half in about 6 months but thought that would be enough. Ended up running a half marathon 3 months after starting to run (2hr 12min) and after running that I became addicted and fell in love with long distance running! Before that October I had never ran more than a mile. And that was 5 years before. :) My journey feels very fast but I feel so strong and so happy.

When I decided to run a full marathon, I signed up with a running friend and she had mentioned hopes of running to qualify for Boston. To qualify for that, I'd have to run a marathon under 3 hours and 35 minutes (average pace of 8'12 a mile.) I was all for it. I'm very competitive and love the push. We set out and after a few weeks I needed to change my schedule due to night runs and morning runs being to close in time. No recovery time. We decided to train on our own. I pushed myself hard for a while and then with stupid hormones I got really discouraged. With my monthly hormones, my runs become 100x's harder. Legs cramp up really bad and hurt to run. And then my shins got horrible. I set out one day for a 10 mile run, normally I'm fine running 10 miles. But with the hormones and shin splints, I ran very slow for 4 miles. In horrific pain. I cut that run short and rested the day after. I couldn't believe how hard that week before was and then having my worse run ever on what should have been a 10 miler. Ugh. It was heartbreaking. I thought about quitting and not showing up for my marathon. I was so discouraged and thought these shin splints would never go away. I've had them for 2-3 months now. Such a pain. So after dealing with that, I turned to the internet for motivation. I found lots of youtube videos that inspired me to keep running and training hard. But I also found this...

Never let your competitive mind overpower your enjoyment. When you're happy and relaxed, you're a better runner and you'll find that you won't need competitive thoughts to motivate you. Competitive thoughts lead to stress and sometimes feelings of self-doubt and judgment

That hit me hard. I wasn't enjoying my runs anymore and hadn't for a while. I got stressed out way too easily and just wasn't happy. I found this saying about a week ago and after reading it my runs haven't been the same. Yesterday, for example, I ran 16 miles!!! SIXTEEN! That's the most I've ever ran in my life! And guess what?? I LOVED every minute of it. I felt so strong and so relaxed to be out running. I had an average pace of 9'14 per mile even. On a hilly route! I was thrilled! Never did I tire out or walk. I stopped twice for water though. But never stopped my clock. So even with the breaks and huge hills, I still had a great pace! Finally! I was able to enjoy running again and had a nice therapy session :) (that's what I call my running...therapy sessions. Dang depression haha) (I should also mention...my shin splints are GONE! I seriously thought I had stress fractures and I wasn't going to be able to run for months...but after much research on google...I read about compression socks. I decided to go try some on and see what they were all about. After trying one on, I was in love. As soon as the sock was on, no shin pain. Not even when I touched my shin. That's how bad these things where. Pain 24/7 and if anyone touched my shins, I was throwing punches! I bought the socks and after ONE week of wearing them only during my runs, NO PAIN! AT all! Amazing! They are not the prettiest looking, they are socks that go up to the knee...but I'm sort of used to long socks due to all my years of playing volleyball....that's the only socks we wore.)

ANYWAY, got off topic! Back to my goals! Like I mentioned...I had wanted to qualify for the Boston Marathon. And although I still really would LOVE to do that, I'm trying to relax and train but not over do it. If I'm not stressed about times, I don't over do it and then I actually do better! So it still may be a possibility BUT I won't be devastated if I don't make it this marathon. (I would have been 2 weeks ago.) I'm still going to train as hard as I can just to get into the best shape I can. 

Other goals are:

Hike the Grand Canyon...rim to rim in one day. It's about a 22-24 mile hike. If I can run a marathon...I can hike one too, right? I hear it's tough but I love having things to train for! (My husband may even do this one with me!) Thinking fall 2013.

5k race under 20 minutes. My first 5k was October 22nd, 3 weeks after I started running. It's what got me hooked! I ran it in 31 minutes and 13 seconds. My last race was May 12th and finished in 24 minutes and 22 seconds. I wasn't really training hard to get faster, it just happened as I got more into higher miles. So after this marathon I can actually train for speed. 

Motivate a family member to run a half/full marathon. I'm hoping to get my sister! She just recently had a baby and wants her pre-baby body back! Running is how I lost all my weight and it's helped my crazy depression. She doesn't seem to be suffering from depression, but running is still amazing and I want to share that! :)

Bigger/crazier goals:

Run a marathon in every state. 

Complete an Ironman! 

Goals are very fun to have and when I first started running, running a marathon was crazy. I told people and they would laugh and say I couldn't do it. They said it nicer than that...but basically what they meant haha and every time I think about crossing the finish line for my marathon I begin to tear up. I'm SOOO excited! I cannot wait!! 

Weekly Miles

This week was way better than last! I ran a total of 41 miles!! New record for me!

Monday- off due to shin pain from the horrible run the day before.
Tuesday - 8 miles 1hr 11 min
Wednesday - 4 mile run 36 min also did a 3 mile hike with the fam.
Thursday - only 2 miles in....crazy day but ran uphill for 1/4 mile and then back down. Repeated 4 times. It was crazy hard!
Friday - rest
Saturday - 8 miles @pace 1hr 6min
Sunday - 16 miles!! 2hrs 27min!

Todays run was another record! 16 miles!! I can't believe I did it and without dying! I felt really good actually and I even took a very hilly route! I was very proud of myself. I can't believe I made it! And with a great pace too! Right around 9'14 per mile. It was awesome! I'm very comfortable around the 9 minute mile pace. When I get under 8 though, my legs burn and I start to wear out. I think in reality, I'd be perfectly happy not qualifying for Boston and having an average pace of 8'30/9 minutes. Although thay 8'30 is super close to the Boston qualifying pace....we'll see :)

Weekly Miles

I'm a week behind on posting. I'm kind of torn on whether or not I want to continue posting...but I really want to. I have 2 1/2 months until my 1 year anniversary of starting to work out. I started doing this for me and so I will continue doing this for me.

Week of  7/9 - 7/15 Miles
Monday: 2 miles
Tuesday: 4 miles (speed training)
Wednesday - 3 miles
Thursday: 4 miles (more speed training)
Friday off
Saturday: 7 miles
Sunday: 4 miles (Horrible run)

I don't want to go into much detail about this week. It was one of my worst weeks ever. I felt like quitting. My body was so achy and heavy while running. Come to find out...it was just hormones. Ugh. 2 weeks out of the month are horrible for training. Some times I really hate being a girl!

Luckily this week is a whole lot better! I bought some compression socks to help with my shin splints. They help out a lot! I'm very happy I bought some! They were $35 but whatever. They help out a TON!

On to this week. I'm feeling 100x's better this week! Very excited for my marathon! I have about 2 1/2 months to prepare. I'm starting to get really serious about training and recovery. I've added in some strength training this week. I feel that will help me be stronger in the race. Today is my rest day and so glad it is. I'm feeling pretty sore...but that's a good feeling. I think I need to stretch a whole lot more. It'll probably help with the tightness/soreness I'm feeling.

I'm having a lot of fun on this journey. I was talking to my husband last night about this upcoming marathon and how huge of an event it is in my life right now. Back in high school I remember hearing about marathons and thinking about the type of people who ran them were. Crazies! Not human. Just seemed so unreal that people ran that much...didn't find out about the ultramarathons until recently...CRAZY! Anyway, I was saying that for me to be doing this now is almost like a dream come true. Sort of. I've though about doing a marathon lots before, but obviously that was just a thought. And to actually be doing it and getting closer to the actual race....I can't find words to express my feelings. I feel on top of the world. I feel strong and I like the comments from people who call me crazy. You kind of have to be a little crazy to want to run 26.2 miles! I'm so excited and I'm starting to find my running grove again. I've felt for a while now that running is now a must or a chore. I don't like that at all. I've relaxed a little and can now enjoy running as my release. I switched up my running days and now training on my own. It's nice to get lost in my runs. Hit that runners high and sort of do my own thing. No disrespect what so ever to my training friend....just nice to be alone while running.

People keep asking if I've lost anymore weight. ARE YOU CRAZY? haha If I lose anymore weight, I wouldn't be strong enough to run 10+ miles! I've actually gained 2 pounds and thinking 125 pounds is a perfect weight for me. I was kind of sad about it...but I'd rather be strong than "skinny" If I'm skinny I don't have strength to do much. I eat 3000-3500 calories a day....I need all those calories for my training. If I didn't eat that much...I wouldn't be able to train. And then depression would probably take over again. Vicious cycle. But it is what it is. I'm happy about my body...mostly...but I have 2 1/2 months to get it to where I'm completely happy about it. And I can get there! I'm so excited about all that's coming. Just need to speed up time! :)

Weekly Miles

Monday - 3 26 min
Tuesday - 7 1hr 1 min
Wednesday - 3 27 min
Thursday - 3 pace run - 23 min
Friday - off
Saturday - 7 1hr 3min
Sunday - 14!! 2hr 6min!
Total - 37 miles!!

I had a great week this week, this being two weeks ago! I'm very proud of my 14 mile time and pace. Averaged around a 9 min mile!  I'm feeling stronger.

This week I've changed up some things, I'll post about that tomorrow! It's been fun, but very challenging! It's worn me out, mainly due to hormones and no desire to eat...so no fuel for running. I lost motivation a lot this week. But like I just said...dang hormones and low calorie intake. I know it'll be better this next week. Just frustrating at the moment. Anyway, more on that tomorrow!

Happy 9 Months!

I'm allowed to have monthly anniversary's for running, right? This month marks 9 months of running. I cannot believe where I am now. There are no words for it. I've always been very competitive and good with sports. I know my limits and I know how to push myself to those limits and become better. Never in a MILLION years did I think I would be here! EVER!! I'm so over whelmed with excitement. 9 Months ago, on October 11, 2011 I set out to run a mile. Back in high school I could run a mile under 7 minutes. But I never ran more than that mile. This October night, I couldn't run/walk that mile in 12 minutes. There were lots of tears shed. I couldn't believe where I was. How fat I was. How did I let myself get there! It was hard. Looking back, it was harder to be fat than to run as much as I run now. There is seriously something that kicks in after running 5 miles. I can remember my first 5 miler, 6 miler, 7 miler, 8 miler, 9 miler, 10 miler, 11 miler, and 13 miler! With each one, after finishing the run I celebrated with tears of excitement and satisfaction. I couldn't believe I had just gone that far. Me! I'm not a long distance runner! For the first time ever this past Saturday on my 13 mile run, I felt like a runner. And boy, did I LOVE that feeling! I've always been inspired by runners and thought those who ran were superheros. And to be one of them...I feel somewhat like a superhero. I'm so excited for this Saturday's run. And then next Saturday's run. This Saturday is 14 miles and then next is 16! SIXTEEN!!! Holy cow! I feel amazing. I feel so strong and so happy.

I was thinking today about how I was able to FINALLY keep myself going. I'm a visual person. I like to SEE results. I took my starting measurements and also photos. Yes, it SUCKED! But now I get to look at this and REMEMBER where I was and why I started!

So glad that before photo is no where near what I feel and look like today!

I also get motivated by quotes. And where does one turn for that? PINTEREST! Here are some that helped inspire me!

Really take a minute and think about the quotes. It gets you hard.

Back in October 2011, I decided to take a year and focus on me. And thus far I've lost 35 pounds, training for a marathon, and honestly the happiest I've ever been. You have to find something you love and do it! If you really want it, you won't find an excuse. You have to remember why you started and know it's going to be hard. But it will be worth it!

Happy 9 months to me! :) To celebrate how about a 14 mile run this weekend!?! Ah! :)