Wedding Dress

A while ago I mentioned the fact that I wanted to fit into my wedding dress again. Our 5th wedding anniversary is coming up here in 2 weeks! After being married for only 6 months, we got pregnant with our first baby. Since that, probably even before getting pregnant, I didn't fit in my dress. For some reason, I don't know why...it's not like I was going to wear it ever again...but I really wanted to fit in it again. So I set out on the mission of fitting into it again. For nearly 5 years I tried. Here and there, nothing consistent. I probably tried the dress on every few months up until I got pregnant with my 2nd baby. Obviously I didn't try it on then. And then after having her a year ago, I've tried it on probably 10 times...never fit. Even after losing the 25 pounds and weighing what I did back in college. Still no luck. I was sad. Well...a few weeks after the last time I tried it on, I felt skinnier. I hadn't lost anymore weight, but for some reason my bra was too big around and I had to buy a new one. I was 38A and I went to try on bra's and I was a 34aa...Sad, I know. But still...I had lost some inches where the dress never fit. SO...I tried it on again! And guess what! It zipped all the way up, with ease! It was awesome. I cried. (If you've been following my journey, you should know by now I cry a lot. :)

Sometimes I forget that I've lost weight. Mentally I still think I'm fat. I was over weight for so long that it's still taking some time to remember that I'm not fat anymore. Last night at my baby's birthday party I was in some photos/videos and seeing myself was for once a happy moment. Normally, I would delete photos but I'm actually quite happy with how I look. It's a really good feeling to have.

I still have my highs and lows in life...feeling insecure and ugly. It's a normal thing I think. Most girls I know go through this. It sucks. Really bad.

Well, tomorrow is the big day. I sign up for the St George Marathon. I'll find out in May if I get picked or not. My running partner wants to try and qualify for the Boston Marathon...again. I've decided to join her. We need to run the St. George Marathon in under 3 hours and 40 minutes. Averaging 8'30 minute miles. My average now is about a minute slower...so I have a good 6 months to train. We are running lots of hills and about 25 miles a week. As we get into summer we'll be doing sever weeks with 40 to even 50 miles a WEEK. I find that crazy...but still fun at the same time. We did a 9 miler with hills today. It felt great! I love running. It really makes me so happy.

Anyway, that's all for now. Wish me luck in the drawing! Even though it's still a month away. :) I'm extremely excited!!

Down 4, Camelback Mountain, And New Stroller!

I should really blog more often so I don't have such a long title!

Have any of you, if anyone reads this blog, ever hiked the Echo Canyon Train at Camelback? Well, here's my story.

Flash back to 2009. My oldest was just around 9 months old and I had been working out here and there. I was still holding on to 20lbs of baby weight. I had a good friend invite me to go hike this trail. I was up for it. When we got there, all you see is the side of the mountain, stairs, that were wooden posts people put in because the dirt was slippery, climbing up for as far as you could see. There must have been 100 of them. As we started hiking these steps, I became easily winded. Soon after 1/4 mile marker, still stairs at this point, we turned a little corner what I saw, I almost cried. There was a very steep uphill with a railing in the middle of the trail, people were using their upper bodies to grab this rod and help climb this insane mountain. After getting past that part, I had to stop and rest. My legs were dead. I couldn't take another step and put all my weight on one leg to push me up to the next. By this time my friend was way ahead. As I hiked a little further, I saw ANOTHER rod going up ANOTHER steep hill. This time, there were hundreds of boulders that came up to my stomach in height. There was NO way I could do that. So...I sat my butt down and waited. I couldn't do it. I couldn't step up those huge boulders, my legs would snap in half. They were so jello-y, I couldn't do it. So I quit. As I sat waiting for my friend, 100 people must have past by. (It's a very popular trail) I felt so ashamed. Look at who I was, WHAT I was doing. I was giving up. Quitting. I couldn't believe it. As I sat and waited, I teared up several times. Pathetic. Loser. Wimp. Fatty. No good. All those names came to mind. And it was true. I had let myself go. (Thank goodness not anymore than I did.) I became such a different person. Rude. Selfish. Hypocrite. Unkind. Judgemental. The list goes on. I HATED myself. I was so ashamed! 

But....let's get to a positive note. After 5 months of running, light weight training here and there, I was able to hike to the top of the mountain today. AMAZING! Honestly, it was actually pretty easy. (But I'm training hardcore for a marathon so I'm in pretty good shape:) As my husband and I past the point at which I gave up the time before, I couldn't help but smile. I made it to that point and my legs weren't hurting one bit. I was breathing heavily, I just walked upstairs for 1/4 mile, who wouldn't be out of breath? As we pushed on, the trail got harder. The part that I did do 3 years ago, was the EASY part. I couldn't believe what we had to hike next. It was simply amazing! 

This is a small part of the trail. Not even 1/4 mile long. Insane

Here is a photo of the last uphill. The black line is the trail and I circled people in blue. Amazing right? Some of those boulders are as tall as me and I had to climbed over them! At some points, we really felt like we were rock climbing. Having to find spots to put our feet and hands in and somehow get up without slipping. It really was so fun. Coming down the mountain was quite the thrill. After gaining some confidence, I started jumping off the rocks and running. It was amazing. So fun! I wish I could hike this trail every weekend! 

Pictures from the top!

I know I look like a dork. The girl taking the pic said something funny I and laughed...cute right?

If you look closely on this last picture, towards the bottom of the mountains in the distance, are the buildings that are in downtown Phoenix. Just amazing to see how high up we were. 

Another huge accomplishment I had this week....

What?! After having my husband hide the scale from me because I was OBSESSING over my weight, I found the scale and weighed myself! Look!! Down another 4 pounds and only 1 to go to my DREAM weight! Just incredible! I NEVER thought in a million years I'd be able to get back down to 125. I weighed 125lbs my freshman year of college. I was playing volleyball and training hardcore. This was when I was in the best shape of my life. (Even though I was still was self-conscious about how I looked at the time...dumb how that works) I look back at photos and just DREAM to look like that girl again. I love how I feel now. I'm so proud of myself for all the hard work I've done and all my dedication. I can't believe I'm just ONE STINKING pound away from being 125. Never did I think I'd see that on the scale again. But WOW....what a feeling!! I honestly can say that running has SAVED me. I've said this before and I'll say it til I die...Running is the best thing ever. It's save me from depression, saved my marriage because of how happy it's made me. Not only has running helped me lose 24 pounds now, it's helped me in my personal life as well. Having no confidence SUCKS. Bad. I've had another eye opener this week. I realized that I'm still no where close to being a good wife. Ya....I'm ok. I have dinners cooked most the time...laundry done every once in a while and the house is clean...only when I know visitors are coming. But I know what my husband likes....anyone really...who wouldn't like to have clean clothes in their drawers, dinner ready every evening, or a clean house to come home to. Ya...I'm ok. But something happened this week...can't really remember how it all started...but I was talking to my husband about my fear of our girls growing up. I'm not a good mom to them. I'm scared I'm not going to teach them the right things. I fear for them. This world is coming down....fast and hard. It's truly scary. I just want to keep my girls locked in a tower for the rest of their lives. I want them safe! But...the point of this rambling...oh yes....eye opener... I realized that I have no confidence. In anything. So...I changed it. Simple as that. Changed my outlook, changed my thoughts. Now, I've struggled obviously with this my whole life, and after marrying my sweet husband, we had many MANY talks about gaining confidence and just doing things for ME instead of others. I would often worry...stress...about how I looked and what I was wearing. I know I drove my husband nuts. The only things that would come out of my mouth would be negative words. But that's where I left it. Words. I'm so fat. I'm so ugly. I hate this. I hate that. blah blah blah. I've been doing some reading this week and I'm learning how to be confident with myself. I am beautiful. I don't need to look, wear, act like anyone else. I am me. No one else is like me, been through what I've been through, thinks what I think...whatever. I am beautiful. And if I act like I know I'm a good person, who is confident, life is wonderful. Good things happen all the time. It's just how you take things. Is the cup half empty or half full? 

ANYWAY....enough rambling again...Look what I got!

I've been wanting a new jogging stroller for a while now. With me running more and training for a marathon I just had to have a new one! haha My husband found this one on craigslist for $140...brand new these run around $350. He talked the sellers down to $110! Amazing! It's in practically new condition. It's all aluminum and has 16" tires. The frame and tires will make it so much lighter to push on those long runs! Can't wait for the test run on Monday!

As for my runs this week
Sunday: off
Monday: 4 miles
Tuesday 4 miles
Wednesday: 2 miles
Thursday: 6 miles...2 miles walked
Friday: Off
Saturday: Hiked Camelback Mountain!

What an amazing week!! 

Why do you run?

As I sit on my phone reading inspirational quotes about running, I came to a section that asked "why do you run?" followed by answers from members of the website. But that question really hit me. Why do I run? I think I've said this before on this blog....but I run to stay sane, to stay away from depression. After not running for the past month, due to trying out P90X, I could definitely feel depression seeping in. I was easily triggered and got angry so quick. I didn't feel like doing anything. Cleaning, cooking, even falling asleep was difficult. But after running again, I have a clean home, dinners are actually planned AND cooked. I feel 100x's better these past 4 days than I did the past 4 weeks. It's nice having a therapy that's free. Cuz I tried the real therapy and paying $80 for an hour session once a week just added more stress.

Why do I run? I run to stay sane. Why do you run?

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Half Marathon, P90X, Running Again

The title says it all. I've been unable to blog for a while but it seems I have some free time tonight. (as my baby is helping me type. haha)


Half Marathon


First up, running my half marathon. Since I posted last, I've ran my half marathon. I was scheduled to run it on January 28th, but as that date got closer, I realized I may have an unwanted girly visitor...so I decided on January 21 to run. I decided this around 1 in the afternoon and then did my run around 4:30. I didn't really prepare mentally to run that day...just kind of went. I didn't eat well before I ran either. So needless to say, I had a few complications. Not many, but enough. My first two miles where rough. It was a pretty windy day. Those first two miles where going against the wind and it really gave me a rough start. I had a really bad side cramp start and didn't leave until around mile 8. Around that same time, I felt a blister starting. It sort of felt like a thorn in my sock, so I stopped a few times to feel around and didn't feel anything...so I ignored it. After meeting up with Tanner at the end, I realized it was a big nasty blister. Around mile 10, my legs started cramping and I got really hungry. I wonder if I was better prepared, if this would have been an issue. Either way, I had a power bar in the car with Tanner and when I saw him again, (Tanner was in the car meeting me at certain miles.) I waved him down and ate half of the bar. After getting back running again I felt a lot better. It was amazing to feel a difference with just a little snack. At mile 13, I got excited to get to the finish line. I finished in 2 hours and 12 minutes. A little slower that I hoped for. I was shooting for under 2 hours. But with all the issues I had, wind, side cramps, blisters, that's not a bad time. I was very excited to have finished this goal. In the end, it really wasn't as bad/hard as I thought it was going to be. 


P90X


After running my half marathon, I had decided to start P90X. BUT after 3 weeks of doing it, and 4 weeks of no running (I took a week off after the half) I started getting depressed and bored with the program. It's a great program, but the way running helps me emotionally, P90X has nothing for me. So I started running again this past Sunday. 


Running Again


I'm now training for a marathon. A FULL :) When I trained for my half, I ran 3 days a week and hiked 2 days. When doing some research about a running a full, I learned it's best to run 30-40 miles a week. 30 miles is double what I was running with the half. So I've started running every day. I'm starting out slow again, trying to avoid injuries. 


Here are my miles so far this week.


Sunday: 2 miles
Monday: 3 miles
Tuesday: 2 miles


So far, running daily is going pretty well. I can feel a little bit of pain only when I run my knees and shins. But hopefully taking it slow will keep me from injuries. I'm also doing weights 3 days a week, the weight days from P90X. Today was day 3 of this new workout and I'm feeling great. My depression has gone away again and I feel motivated. Finally. The last 3 weeks was getting hard. It's funny to me how much running does for me. Not only has it gotten me skinny again but mentally it's a miracle worker for me. I'm excited for the coming months and  all the training for my full marathon! I enter for St George Marathon in April. If I don't get chosen, I'll sign up for the Top of Utah Marathon in Logan. Races are in September or October...so I've got lots of time, and a nasty summer full of heat, to train! 


I'll be better about updating :)

Goal Weight!!

It's been a while since I've posted. Life seems to be busy with 2 kids and workouts that I don't get on the computer much...at all really. But I have been continuing my running and I'm so happy to say I've reached my goal weight!

After 3 1/2 months! I am amazed at how fast it came off. I was telling my brother that if I would have known it was going to be like this, I wouldn't have gained the weight! haha But all in all...it's been a good growing experience for me. I've always been fit and in shape. This was a 5 year struggle with my weight and I've finally figured out how to fix it. Amazing! It feels so good!


Here are some photos again. Not a whole lot has changed since my middle photo. But I have lost 8lbs since that photo was taken. I love seeing these photos. Especially the before compared to now. Pretty neat. I'm not done though. Starting P90X in a few weeks and hopefully that will help tighten my jiggly tummy and flabby arms! :) But I am excited I hit my goal weight! Maybe I can get down to 125lbs after all! That was a "reach for the stars" goal. Wasn't sure I'd get there but now I feel I can. We'll see what happens after doing P90X :)

Had some fun with finding photos of the changes. My face has really gotten skinny again. I love it!




On to something else...


I haven't posted my New Year's goals. I haven't really made any. Well...I have but they are different this year. I have obstacles that I want to defeat. Like one, run a half marathon. I'll be accomplishing this on the 28th of January. :) Some other goals this year are:


Hike to the top of Camelback Mountain. I attempted this back in 2009 and failed HORRIBLY! I didn't even make it 1/4 of the way up. It is ridiculous! So I'm hoping to attempt hiking it again in March or April!


Run a FULL marathon. This one was tricky. When I first started working out after my birthday in October, I was all for running a full marathon. But the last month or so has been hard emotionally. I got tendonitis in my knees really bad and I sort of got bored with running. So I was just going to settle with my half marathon and move on to different things. That was until 2 nights ago. I was at a friends house, 10 of us girls each made 2 pages for a quiet book and then we met and traded pages...it was awesome! There I met this awesome girl. I started talking to her about running and I mentioned I was a little intimidated about running a marathon. I've heard new research says it's bad for the heart and a lot of other stuff. She then proceeded to tell me she's never had any issues when she's run before. I asked her how many she's ran, me only thinking she'd say 2 or 3...but she said 27!! She has ran 27 full marathons in the last 9 years. I. was. amazed.!!!! We talked for a long time about it and she really inspired me to not settle with a half marathon. So her and I are entering to do the St. George Marathon in October. Right before my 26th birthday! (we have to be drawn to run though. There are only 6500 spots available but over 8000 people enter to run. So if I don't get drawn for that, I'll find another marathon) But when she said she's ran 27 fulls, I decided to try one. It's funny to me how I met this new friend kind of in time of need. I wasn't going to continue running and lost motivation but then I met her and now I'm fired up again! It's awesome!


Another goal I have is to complete P90X. I'm not exactly sure how it works, but I've heard it's a 90 day routine. I'm starting in February. 


That's pretty much all for now. I'll post again after my half marathon in a week!


Oh ya! I found a great food blog! Lots of low calorie meals! They look yummy!


**Update!


I've totally forgotten to take measurements! Seriously! I've been out of it these past few weeks! What is wrong with me? Anyway here are my current measurements!


Weight: 130lbs
Tummy: 29in
Hips: 37in
Inner Thigh: 21in


Past measurements just for fun!
Stats from September 30th

Weight: 148

Tummy: 37in


Hips: 41in


Inner Thigh: 25in  (That's where I hold most my weight)


October 26th

Weight: 140


Tummy: 34in.


Hips: 40in


Inner Thigh: 24in.



Pretty awesome! Another thing I've totally forgotten about, mainly cuz it's been cold and I haven't worn shorts without running tights until today, but my cellulite problem on my legs has completely gone away! Yahoo!

Feel Good Moment

You know when you start working out and you get going good for a month and then life takes over and you get busy and stop working out? Well, that was my story for a very long time. 5 years. I have a very "feel good moment" I want to write down to remember. 


Now no disrespect what so ever here, this is just for me to remember and for me to keep motivated. 


I started running with a friend for a while. We became really good and she pushed me to run miles I never thought I could. I ran my first 4 mile and 5 mile runs with her. Just having a running partner was awesome. Well about a month ago, finals hit and other stuff got in the way and she stopped running. I didn't have any excuses to stop running so I continued. Now, a month later, finals are over and life has slowed down for my friend so she started running with me again. I'm telling this story for this reason. We have ran twice together in the last few days and I've come such a long way. Today I ran 7 miles and she ran 3. While it's so awesome she is able to run again, I'm very pleased with what I've been able to do since she's been gone. Normally I would stop running and not do anything. And then, like my friend now has to do, I'd have to build myself back up to where I was. But I don't have to do that again. Because of my perseverance, commitment, goals, whatever you want to call it, I've continued to run and have become much better than I was a month ago. 


It was a moment that I needed. Something to prove to myself I'm still doing a good job. Especially in this season. With the holidays, it's been hard. I still get my workouts in, but I eat like crap. I'm not losing any weight but I'm not gaining any either. I haven't been pushing myself to go further/faster as much as I did when running with my friend, but I was still out doing something and doing that something has helped me. 


Every now and again, I need an eye opening moment so I can continue. Things start getting mundane and boring and it's very easy to stop. And then a month later, I'd start up again and repeat everything. But not this time. I've continued and I will continue. I am getting stronger and it sure feels amazing. As I was finishing up my last 2 miles today, I had a good conversation with myself. I've FINALLY started on my journey to who I want to become. This whole running thing is making me a better person. Physically and emotionally. 


I know I talk about this a lot, but after having my first baby, I became very depressed. I was a very angry, bitter person. I was always nagging and getting mad at my husband. I would get so mad at my baby who was so young. I can remember just screaming and hitting and feeling like crap. Feeling like nobody liked me, everyone was out to get me and to make my life miserable. I thought my husband thought every other girl out there was better than me and that he would leave me because of that. I was in a very, very dark place. I'm so blessed though to have my husband still with me after all the (insert curse word here) I put him through. And to have my daughter who is now 3 not remember anything. I was depressed until I had my eyes opened in 2010. I left my husband because "he was...he did...he...blah blah blah" I always blamed him. But after coming back after being gone for almost 2 months, things were better. Fast forward a year, we were blessed with our 2nd daughter. She is now 9 months old. I haven't been even close to as bad and as horrible as I was with my first. I've been able to enjoy her a 1,000 times more than I was able to with my first. BUT...I would still randomly slip into my depression. I would get after my oldest for silly things. I would yell so loud and was just never happy with her. I mean, I was....but I wasn't. Since I started running, I've slowly started getting happier. A complete happiness. I don't get after my oldest as much...still do...she's 3 and very busy/crazy. But I'm able to finally enjoy her. My husband and I are getting closer mainly because I'm not so jealous, accusing, whatever anymore. Another story to remember....With my husband, if we are out and I see a pretty girl, I would automatically assume he thought she was prettier. How high school, right? I know. But it's the truth. When we would meet friends and someone new was there, boy or girl, I was always intimidated and would never talk. It would take a few get together's to really feel I can be myself. If it was a girl...it would take a lot longer. But the other night, my husband and I went out and we met a friend and his new girlfriend. Normally, I wouldn't say anything and would have big letters across my forehead that said "B*I*T*C*H. (meaning me.) But we went out and I was laughing and messing around. I was myself. I feel so confident in every way that now I don't have a sign like that on my forehead anymore. I'm able to socialize better and communicate better. It's really awesome. I know in the past couple weeks I've sent texts to my sister and husband saying how great I feel and how I love feeling this way. AND that I love feeling pretty. Yes! I finally feel like I am pretty. I know how to do my hair and make up now and with me actually fitting into clothes and feeling good. I can remember before losing the weight and feeling good, there were more days than not that I would cry and cry because I didn't have anything that fit or that looked nice. I wouldn't go out because I looked fat. I would cry because I didn't want to go to church because I looked fat. I cried when going shopping because I couldn't find any clothes that fit me. Now when I go shopping, I cry because I don't have enough money to buy all the cute clothes I find. Ok, maybe I don't really cry about that but you get the point.

We took a few family photos the other day and when I saw this photo, I literally cried. (I cry a lot, huh?) But I cried because I finally liked the way I looked. Normally I would delete the picture and then not take anymore. But finally, I can have photos with my family and think that I look beautiful. What a great feeling. 


I challenge all who read this to start something. Get up, get off facebook/pinterest and do something for yourself. Speaking of facebook, I honestly feel that had a role in my depression. I would read my friend's status updates about how amazing this was they did with their family, how amazing their husband's are...blah you get the picture. I 100% dislike facebook and I think it's a complete waste of time. I think people abuse their rights of status updates and I wonder how many people just update to get attention, to show off, to feel better about their lives. Got off topic a bit, but I do challenge you with this new year, set some goals and KEEP THEM! Do something. I promise you, your life will get better. You will feel so much happier. I PROMISE! 

Another 5k?

It's true, I ran another 5k on December 17th and I'm just NOW getting to write about it.


My first 5k was October 22, 2011. I ran it in just over 31 minutes. Since then I have ran a 5k November 5th, November 24 and then my last on December 17th. My November 5th race was still right around 31 minutes. Then on Thanksgiving my time was 28 minutes! 


Coming into this race on December 17th, I had a goal of getting in the 25 minute range. I got 26 minutes and ONE SECOND!!! Gah! I was kind of REALLY bitter. I know it's an amazing personal record and I beat my last time by 2 minutes, but for some reason I was just kind of mad at myself. Don't ask why. It's silly, I know.


The race was the most intense race I've done. There were 500+ people!! I got a spot up by the starting spot. One of my last races I went to the back, only like 60 people there though, but trying to weave around everyone killed me. And since I had a goal of 25 minutes, I headed up front. When the man blew the horn everyone SPRINTED off. A guy was tripped in front of me and I had to jump to not kick his heels and trip myself. It was so insane starting. So many people! It was intense! The whole race I felt like I was sprinting. Every now and again I felt like I could pick up my pace, so I did. I felt really really good the whole time. At about the half mile left point, I began to get really cramp-y. I really wanted to pick up my pace and run as fast as I could, but I couldn't! As I crossed the finish line and then learned of my time, I got mad at myself for not running just a little faster! The whole day I was just beating myself up. Why didn't I just push a little harder. If I would have, I would have reached my goal. 


I think maybe it was a good learning experience for me. With this whole weight loss/getting into shape, I haven't really set any goals. But if I have, I've reached them with ease. Maybe the goal itself wasn't very hard to reach in the first place? Who knows. But everything changed this morning. I received an email from the people hosting the race, and in that email was the official race results. I opened the link not expecting to see anything interesting, but you know what I found?? Out of 345 girls I took 31st!!!! Seriously!?! I was soooo proud. So excited. I sent a text to some of  my family and had a bragging moment, sorry! But man! Really? Out of 345 girls I took 31st? WOW! And I took 11th out of 89 girls in my 20-29 age group. I had no idea I did that well. Now I'm beating myself up for beating myself up after the race! haha Just kidding. But I've learned to not do that. And just be proud of everything I do. 


I cannot express my emotions right now. Going from a fatty mom who didn't stick to any workout plans for 4 years, starting out not even being able to run a whole mile, now just 2 1/2 months later I am running a 26 minute 5k, a 7'50 minute mile and completing a 12k (7.5 miles). I can't believe it. It seriously just amazes me. And to tell the truth, I have no idea what is keeping me going. I've just made it into a habit now. I don't even think about it anymore. If I miss a day, I just feel horrible. I'm starting to do 2 workouts a day now because I'm hitting a plateau. I read somewhere that when you first start a workout, your body has to work really hard and after repeating the workout your body doesn't have to work as hard. I didn't think about that. Honestly, it makes total sense. But I figured if I ran this many miles per week, I'd keep losing. and I'm not. Running 4 miles isn't hard at all anymore. Running at a 9 minute per mile that is. So I need to get a little faster pace. (Speaking of 4 miles, I usually run the same amount each week. Mondays 4, Wednesdays 3, and Fridays 5 or 6. So I have ran a few 4 mile routes. My time is usually around 45 minutes. So this past Monday, I set out for my run and ended up finishing 10 minutes faster! It was awesome! 


Anyway, kind of got long winded. I am so proud of where I've come in just 2 1/2 months. I hope I can still be inspiring to those of you who read my updates. Anyone can do this. You have to just dig deep and remember why. Once you start seeing results or start running longer distances with out stopping, you will get a ton more motivation and keep going. I promise. That's what starting developing my running/working out into a habit.