Goodbye May...You WON'T Be Missed

What a month! Where to begin?? So much has happened in the month of May and I'm so glad that there are only a few days left. Let's see...let's start from the beginning. Just a warning, I am a very open person. I like to be open and honest so that my readers can see the truth and know that I'm not perfect and that my weight loss journey is not easy for me.

In the middle of April I joined the facebook world again. It was awesome to reconnect with old friends. Found out friends got married, had babies or had some other exciting things going on. It was awesome. I started posting about my weight loss journey on there and got lots of feedback. Lots of emails thanking me for inspiration and motivation to start their own journey. I was on cloud 9! Having that sort of reaction is huge for me. I love knowing that I'm helping someone else change their life around. Many friends, mostly mom's, emailed me saying how they too have been fighting depression and needing an outlet. I felt honored to be the friend that they felt they could turn to and vent to. I have been there and I know all about depression and a hard marriage. After a few weeks I could feel the excitement leave. No one was talking to me anymore. The main reason why I got on was to talk to old friends. Maybe even hang out and do playdates. Soon enough I felt like I was talking to a wall...no pun intended. I emailed friends asking to hang out. Nothing. I posted stories about my races and weight loss...and while I did get lots of positive feedback on my races, I did get lectured on my weight loss. I don't want to go into details...but basically was told I'm losing too much weight. I don't want to go into details because I'm still hurt about it. I don't want to say something rude on my blog. BUT anyway, after all this started I started sinking into depression. Again, no one was talking to me. I posted stuff and only got "like"s What the heck are likes?? I started getting annoyed. I wanted to COMMUNICATE with people. Not get "like"d. So, depression hit again. Felt like I did a year ago. No friends, no one to talk to, no one cared a bit about what I was doing...the typical depression feelings, right? Even though I know people cared...I just felt lonely. I HATE THIS FEELING. SO....I deleted my facebook again. I plan to never go on again. This is exactly why I deleted it last summer. Let's be real, facebook is addicting. It's fun to see photos of friends and see what their up to. So, I sat on my phone daily and just farted around on it. After a month of this I realized something. I started eating out a whole lot. Drinking soda again, eating sweets, not really WANTING to cook dinner. All signs of depression. It wasn't until this one day when I looked up....I was sitting on the floor playing with my 1 year old...but my focus was on my phone on facebook. I looked up and this is what I saw.....

I felt sick. This is how my house has looked for the past 3 or 4 weeks. I left the CLEAN laundry in their bags, I dry by closeline, My dishes were all dirty, my kids were bored out of their minds and so they were misbehaving. Stuff like that. It was pathetic. Like I said before, I hadn't really cooked a meal in a while. We'd eat out or make something simple like a PB&J or something of the likes. This all because I was being depressed and wasting time all day on facebook. Sad. 

Want to know something else? First a little background...I weigh myself EVERYDAY. Don't ask me why, I just do. So I know when I have a change in weight. I normally fluctuate between 121 and 122 and then during the special time of month I may get up to 123 or 124 but nothing over that. And then the day after everything stops, I'm back down to 121. So, knowing this....after the fun part of the month was over I weighed in and I was 125!!!!!! What the heck? I was sad. Very sad. Silly as it sounds, you could totally notice the weight gain. It was right in my tummy/love handles. All of it. All the time I sat on my butt looking at facebook, all the junk I had been eating and drinking for the last month had finally caught up to me. I got depressed...even more depressed. So I went out and ran a 10 miler. It felt great. I haven't ran that far since before my half marathon the middle of January! Needless to say, I had several good reason to get off of facebook. Too much dang drama for this momma. I don't handle negativity well and obviously I don't handle sitting and doing nothing well. I have to stay busy to keep out of depression. 

It's almost been a week since I got off and it's so funny how things have changed. I started running more, keeping busy, and cooking meals. I'm excited to say that I've lost the weight that I gained plus 1 pound.

Once again...it's been YEARS since I've seen this number on the scale! I think I may pee myself if I ever get below 120. It's crazy what healthy food, exercise, and not being lazy can do for me.  To say the least, I have been very discouraged with running. I loved it when I first started but I'm slowly falling out of love with it. There's lots of factors but I need to remember my own advice....mind over matter. This is life. Up's and down's are expected. I need to be mentally tough and push through and finish what I've started. I have a little more than 4 months before my marathon. I start a training schedule next week so maybe that'll help me. I like schedules and I haven't used one since January. 

Please don't judge me. I'm not perfect and have many weaknesses. I'm not cut out to be on facebook. And I guess I needed a little reminder why I left. Got that message loud and clear! :) Things are starting to turn around. Still not feeling 100% but I will get there. The difference this time is that I KNOW how to get there. I'm grateful for this trail and ready to move on and get back on track!

Where Have I Been!?

It's seems like forever ago when I last posted...but I guess it wasn't too long. I've been slacking off on blogging though. I took two whole weeks off from running due to an injury. It ended up being just shin splints, but man...those things hurt! I had them after my half marathon in January and had been running with them since. I was thinking it was a stress fracture because the pain never went away. It finally got to be so annoying that I had to stop. I went to Road Runners Sports and got video tapped running barefoot on a treadmill. We found out that my arches are really high and when I run, my arches go all the way flat causing my ankles to pronate in. The guy helping me was really surprised that I have run this much with my high arches. I didn't think anything of the pain. Just thought it'd go away some time. Anyway, with a new pair of nice shoes and arch support inserts, I'm back to running just fine! Oh I've missed it!

This past weekend I ran a 5k. It was awful. It was out in Tempe and my husband drove out and met me. The race started at 8am and he showed up shortly after the race started. So, with him being late I had to push the double stroller. (Luckily I actually brought it) The whole race I was so upset because I was trying to beat my previous time of 26 minutes. I ended up running it in around 28 minutes. The course was "fast and flat" which actually meant running in dirt, grass and 4 decent sized hills. I was NOT happy. After I finished the race I puked my guts out. I have NEVER done that before. I think it was a combination of the heat, it was disgustingly hot out! And also me pushing to hard to beat my previous time. (Side note: during my race there were several times that I thought about quitting. That's what I would have done 6 months ago. But being who am I now, I picked up my pace and pushed even harder. Instead of being so mad about my circumstances, I used that as fuel to my fire. And it paid off.)

A video of me crossing the finish line. It was such a neat experience crossing the finish line. I have done 3 5k's now and never have I felt like this at the finish line. The announcer guy made me feel very special as he announced me coming in. "Here comes Emily Buck from Phoenix! And look at that Momma go!" And then EVERYONE started cheering for me. I smiled. And I cried. I felt pretty awesome for a moment. And then I had to hurry and find a corner to throw up in. 

After finishing my race, and after my "show" I put on for everyone, I calmed down a little and talked to my husband. I was pretty upset with him. But I ended up finding out his motorcycle had a flat tire and he had to stop a few times to fill it up with air to even make it out to Tempe. He ended up leaving before the awards ceremony because he needed to find a new bike tire. I stayed with my good friend Rachel and filled up our goodie bags with all sorts of sample protein bars and what not. During that time they had started the awards. Going by age groups and gender. I wasn't really listening because I knew I didn't do anything fancy. There seemed to be a lot of runners racing. I'd say around 150. As they got to my age group I listened to the 3rd place time and he said "so and so with the time of 31minutes" WHAT? I had 28 minutes...so maybe I took second place! I would be so happy with second place! When he annouced someone else as second place and a time of 30 minutes...I was like wait a minute! Then he said "And in first place with a time of 28 minutes, Mrs Emily Buck" I let out a "whooo" and ran up (with tears in my eyes) to get my award! I could not believe that with "my slow time" that I actually got first place! It was definitely something I needed after having such a horrible run. It was an amazing feeling! All that hard work and dry heaving paid off! 

This past weekend has really been an eye opener. Sort of. I just feel happy so I've been able to take "trails" and put them to good use. I found this quote the other day on pinterest...

I've really taken this to heart. Remember back when I posted about my Life Lesson I learned? About how I saw myself annoyed on video and how "ugly" I looked? Well, I've had some reminders these past 2 or so weeks of seeing other people like that. Whether it was some in the parking lot being mad at someone else for a silly reason, or even a simple someone not smiling and just looking so mad. I have made a goal to really put this quote into action in my life. I'm 100x's prettier when I smile. (EVERYONE IS) so why not smile more?? 

I can already see a difference in my life after just 2 DAYS! Something simple as smiling can go a long way. Trails have come but it's a CHOICE on how you handle those trials. I had a situation occur yesterday with my husband, in the past I would totally get jealous and totally accuse him of whatever. But instead, I just smiled and fought off those feelings. I leaned in and kissed him and told him that I love him. And as simple as that, the trial was then over. Instead of lasting all week. 

My whole marriage my husband always said that my emotions are a choice. And man, did that tick me off!! BUT after this life changing journey I've started almost 7 months ago now, I can honestly say that he is 100% correct. Emotions are a choice. You have to be mentally tough and change your mind. It can be done. I'm doing it. Me. Someone who is....WAS...very judging, accusing, jealous, bitter, depressed. I am changing my mind to be happy. Stop making excuses. I always loved the quote about pointing your finger at someone else who is to blame for your actions. If you point your finger at someone, you have THREE fingers pointing back. If you can realize that and accept it, things begin to happen. GOOD things begin to happen. 

Anyway, I didn't plan on writing this much but it's just coming out. :)

Happy May everyone!!

Reflecting A Little

I have days where I just sit and remember life before. My husband and I just celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary. Looking back on our marriage, I can't help but remember me. Remembering who I was. I was very young when I got married, 20 years old. Before being married I wasn't the best at keeping things cleaned, I never really cooked, and I helped with laundry but didn't do it all the time. So getting married and then having all those "duties" on my list was very over whelming. Our apartments weren't very clean, when I did wash laundry I folded it but it all stayed on the couch, and dinners....ah....ya...no comment. As these 5 years have past I'm still not that great with chores. I do cook a whole lot better. But cleaning and laundry...are not a pleasant chore. As I'm sure is the same with lots of wives/moms.

I was reflecting on my life. After having my first daughter, almost 4 years ago, I became very depressed. I never left the house. I hardly ever got dressed in clothes, just wore my pj's all day. My house was a disaster. My marriage was very....what's a good word...um..hard? We had lots of fights, LOTS, and we never got along. It was very trying. And VERY tiring. So...after a while of this, I left.  I wanted a divorce. I was so tired of how my life was and always feeling the way I did. We were separated for 6 weeks. Being away from my hubby I had some time to think and kind of relax. I had my eyes opened several times as to how I was behaving towards my husband. I began to feel really guilty. Guilty for treating him the way I did. Long story short, we figured things out.

(Just a little add it...since I've started running, my depression as slowly gone away. It really hasn't been until recently where my home life has been better. I have felt great, but with the past being what is was, things at home still weren't amazing....it was great...but now it's amazing! We all laugh more and want to spend more time together. I have always dreamed of having a great marriage. Having a marriage where me and my hubby will laugh lots and love no matter what. I can finally say, after 5 years, we are just about there. We spent the weekend in Utah together and never got annoyed with each other. Normally it's after an hour we are snapping haha I am finally having fun in my marriage and getting along with my hubby. Know this, my husband is a wonderful man. I, with my problems, didn't see that. He is very sarcastic and always happy. I get annoyed with him. Now, I get it. Now I'm happy and now we are happy. It's a great feeling. Especially after so many years of pointless trials, caused by me. (No I'm not brain-washed hahaha) I'm just truly happy and able to take a freakin joke now!)

So, not only was my home life a challenge, I haven't even begun on my weight problems. Back in high school I was very fit. I played volleyball, ran track (sprints...100meter dash, 300meter hurdles) I also was a dancer. Needless to say, I was in great shape. I after high school I played volleyball at a jr college for a year. It was that year that I got to the best shape of my life. If anyone has played college ball, you know that it's a huge step up from high school ball. Intense lifting, long practices. My point is, I have NEVER dealt with weight issues. I never even thought about my weight. Sure, I was insecure with my looks, but I never stressed too much over it.

After playing college ball I started gaining weight. I believe I was 125lbs and the summer before I got married I was 132. I was married in April '07. Didn't gain much weight until I became pregnant. After having my first child I was never able to get back down to 125lbs. I tried, but not very hard. Started a lot of new workouts...never finished them. I can remember talking with my husband before becoming pregnant with our second child, we had decided that we would start trying to get pregnant when I weighed 125lbs. After a few months of "trying" I ended up giving up and then got pregnant. I weighed 145lbs. After having my second child in April '11 I got down to 162lbs. I stopped nursing which helped in the weight loss journey. I started running weighing in at 150lbs. So with the history I have laid out, I hope you would gather that to me...weight this much was sickening. I did not like the way I looked. I know I've talked about this before, but being so depressed, having weight issues took me to the max. I had a hard time. This was a huge trial for me. But I'm happy to say that after months of HARD work....and consistency....I have made it past my goal! I know weigh....

 (I promise it's a photo of the scale...it was dark this morning when I weighed in;)

I cannot believe I have come this far! It still seems so unreal! I was kind of nervous this morning after seeing I had lost more weight, but I've never done this before. I don't know what my body likes...what weight it's comfortable at. But after thinking about it, I'm fine. I eat right...with some extra sweets...I'm strong and have no issues lifting heavy things. So I'm not worried. Back in my college days of being 125lbs, I was muscular. I had a nice 6 pack and defined muscles...running is helping me lose weight and I have a different body. I'm slim and not so muscular. Either way, I'm feeling great!

I was sort of worried in the beginning if I'd still think of myself as a "fatty" after losing weight. But I don't. I love being able to wear skinny jeans. I've actually just gained my sister's "skinny clothes" she JUST had her baby on 4/22 so needless to say, she won't need them for another week or so. haha But my sister has always been skinny. She has a different body type than me. She's a stick and I was more muscular build. But with running now, I'm slim enough to fit in her clothes! haha It's awesome. Anyway, kind of a long post. But I wanted to make sure people know my past and know how hard I've worked for this weight loss. Don't get depressed by my postings on facebook, I'm only celebrating! Not trying to brag and make a huge scene. Just is fun to help motivate others!

Oh ya! I am running a 5k race THIS Saturday! I love 5k races and haven't ran one since the beginning of December! I'm a little nervous, only because I'm super competitive and NEEDING to beat my previous time of 26 minutes and ONE second. Wish me luck!

ps...I know I missed my weekly miles on Sunday...so I'll post them here.

Weekly miles for 4/16-4/20
This week was different...I had horrible shin splints so I took the week off...except for running with my sister in law.
We ran:
Monday, Wednesday and Friday...walk 1 minute, run 1 minute for 20 minutes.

I'm hoping to start running again after this weekend. Need to get my new shoes. So yes, I'm running a 5k with my shoes that give me problems but at least I'll have my inserts so maybe I can make the 3 miles!

Weekly Miles and Ready To Start YOUR Journey?

First off...here are my miles for the week!
Monday: 6
Tuesday: 4.5
Wednesday 4.5
Thursday: off
Friday: 6
Saturday 5.5
Total Miles: 26.5

Nothing new this week. Still trying to run around 25 miles a week for now. In June we'll be following a running program. If you really want to see the schedule click here. It'll be at the bottom of the page. I'm really looking forward to summer now. I'm getting soo tired of pushing the double stroller. I keep trying to tell myself it's good training...but it's hard when I run 2 times a week without it and know how much nicer it is without it!! Anyway, I learned a valuable lesson this week. I learned the RECOVERY part is VERY important after a run. I ran 6 miles Monday night around 8pm and then ran 4.5 miles 13 hours later . I had a bite to eat after the Monday run and drank some water as I iced. But didn't spend any extra time recovering. I nearly died during Tuesday's run. I think the main reason why was because it was hot as heck that day. Anyway, from the heat and lack of water, I got really dehydrated and got heat exhaustion. Fever like symptoms, migraine, nausea all night. It was not fun. But I definitely learned that lesson. Need a little extra something when runs are close. And bring water with me on runs. I never did cuz I didn't need water unless it was over 7 miles. But now I have it "just in case"

I have had several people come to me asking "how can I get started with running?" I know that running sucks. It's hard. But two things..well three...to remember when first starting. First, GO SLOW!!! VERY VERY SLOW!!! Second, it's all a MENTAL game. When I first started, my whole run was me trying to convince myself to STOP running. And thirdly, you have to remember WHY you are running!! This is SOOO important! I think this last step really pushed me. Helped create a habit out of running. Please understand, running was very hard for me to start. I had never ran more than a mile and that was 6 or 7 years ago in high school. I've had 2 kids since and was 35 pounds heavier. So I ran very very VERY slow. I know a lot of people who try to go out and run 3 or 4 miles at once and die. Then decide they hate running and never do it again. ANY ONE can run. It's all about how you start. If you rush into it and think you can run several miles at a time, you will hate it. So, what I'm getting to is this, first learn to be mentally tough. Mind over matter. Learn how to forget what you are doing. I swear to you, you can go far with this mentality. Second, write down your reasons why you run. I did, they are on this blog. But basically I was sick and tired of hating myself and what I looked like. So I ran. And then my last point...go slow. I started running with my sister in law this past week. So now on Sundays in my "weekly miles" posts I'm going to post what we did. So here it is...

ONLY 3 days a week!
Monday: RUN 1 minute, WALK 2 minutes for 20 minutes total
Wednesday: Same thing. RUN 1 minute, WALK 2 minutes for 20 minutes total
Friday: SAME THING! RUN 1 minute, WALK 2 minutes for 20 minutes total.

Want to know something awesome? I told my sister in law on Monday, our first run, that week 2 we are going to take a minute away from walking...so we'd be doing RUN 1 minute WALK 1 minute. She kind of laughed and said "ya right"  By Friday, walking for 2 minutes and running 1 became EASY for her and she said that she'd be ready on Monday to start the run 1 minute, walk 1 minute. Yes, I know, it's very slow. But I promise if you start slow, you will come to love it and not hate it. But you'll get to where you want fast than just trying to go out and run it all in one day once a week.

Take me for example. I'm now running 25+ miles a week with a double stroller (I only add that in cuz it's a whole other story without one. MAD props go out to moms who run while pushing a double stroller!) I started out walking 2 minutes, running 1. I too HATED running. I tried several times before and just couldn't keep consistent. I guess that's another thing to remember. CONSISTENCY is soooo important.

Review:
4 MAJOR things to remember when starting to run

1. GO SLOW
2. Mind over matter...be mentally tough
3. Remember WHY you are running
4 Be consistent!

I promise you that doing these 4 things will change you. Will get you to where you want to go. I am living proof! Any one can run. It doesn't matter body type. Running will help get you in the best shape for YOUR body type.

Enough rambling. I hope this helps someone! I just felt impressed to share all this with you!

Thanks for stopping by!

Skinny Jeans!

Remember when I lost those 3lbs randomly a week ago, I was very surprised. Since then I really haven't gotten in the my "going out" clothes, just stayed in my workout clothes cuz I had no where to be. Well 2 days ago we went to the park as a family. As I was getting dressed....my only pair of pants where HUGE on me and my shirt was even bigger! I think I lost more inches than I did weight. I couldn't believe it! Due to hormones and rushing to get to the park before sunset, I kind of cried cuz I had nothing to wear! As I stood there in my room with a few tears running down my face, I quickly had a flashback to before losing the weight. I would cry and cry and then not end up going out cuz I didn't have clothes that fit or that I looked too fat in. I soon started laughing and just enjoyed the big clothes for once. What a feeling! Today is my 5th wedding anniversary with my husband! I begged him to take me clothes shopping! He took me out last night. I was very picky with finding the right clothes. I knew I'd be in these clothes longer than the last ones I had just bought 3 months ago. I found 4 shirts that are beautiful and one pair of pants. I know I've said this before, but before I started running I wore a size 12 pant. 3 months ago I bough 2 pairs of jeans at a size 7. One pair was a "Curvy" jean...made for people who aren't just STICKS. I've got curves. These pants where a little tight, but I figured I'd lose an inch and they'd fit perfect. Well, eventually they did fit perfect....and then they got big....and now they are huge. Kind of cool! Anyway, back to the reason of this story, my husband took me clothes shopping last night and I tried on a pair of "skinny" jeans (the actually style "skinny jeans") I brought back a size 7 and a size 5 for wishful hoping. I tried on the 7 and they were huge! So...I tried on the 5....PERFECT! I bawled. (Man, this journey is sure emotional hahahaha) What a WONDERFUL, FANTASTIC, SUPER-AWESOME feeling! NOTHING beats that! Fitting in a size I wore in high school!

I recently joined the facebook world again. I took a 9 month vacation from it. I'm so glad I got back on and shared my journey on there. I love the feedback! Not only the "good jobs" or "you look great" but more the emails I get saying how my journey has inspired someone to start their journey again. I cry every time I read an email. I think knowing that is just as rewarding as losing all the weight I have. It really is an awesome feeling! Thank you to all those who have emailed me. I created this blog in hopes to inspired someone! I didn't know it would touch and help so many!

Much Love! <3

Celebrating Six Months Of Running!

Sometimes when I look back at where I started, I cannot believe it was only 6 months ago! I can't believe how fast I got addicted to running and far I've come since day one. Day one I couldn't run a mile. I ran/walked a mile in 20 minutes! TWENTY MINUTES!! And now my fastest mile is under 8 minutes...I haven't ran just 1 mile to see how fast I am now.

It's amazing to think that in just another six months I will be running a full marathon! I remember back in 2009 "starting" to train for a marathon, but that lasted about a week. I don't know what's changed in me to finally keep me going. Definitely seeing my before and after photos, running small races...having paid for something forces me to try my best so it's not a waste...and now I've shared this blog with lots of friends and I'm getting some amazing feedback that really keeps me going! Wanting to do more!

I'm so grateful that I finally got sick and tired of being sick and tired and got up and did something. It was hard. Believe me. There were several days that I wanted to stop. But after seeing some weight fall off I honestly was too scared to not run in fear that weight would just come right back. I thought missing ONE run all that weight would come back. Now, I'm not worried about it. Now I run because I know if I don't I feel like crap. Yesterday was one of those days. I should have at least gone for a walk. Sundays are really hard days with church being in the middle of naptime. My baby is not a happy camper! It's stressful. So maybe I at least need to get out and walk before everyone wakes up!

I have been trying to train my body to start waking up at 6am. During the day both my girls are so active that I really don't get any "me" time. Besides my running, they do really well sitting in the stroller. But, I don't get to check email or read blogs or do something I want to do! I've been getting up at 6am for about a week now and boy does it feel great sitting in silence!

Anyway, just a quick post to celebrate 6 months of running! Never have I stuck to something this long on my own! (And I'm really not doing it alone! But I sure ain't in high school and have a coach drilling me! I miss those days!)

I took some photos this morning, it's been a few months since I've done photos. I compared them to my very first photo! Down 27 pounds and LOTS of inches!

BEFORE
Weight: 150lbs
Tummy: 35in
Hips: 41in
Inner Thigh: 25in
Chest: 38in
Bicep: 13in

6 MONTHS LATER
Weight: 123lbs
Tummy: 28in
Hips: 35in
Inner Thigh: 20in
Chest: 28in
Bicep: 9in

I still have got some toning to do so don't look too closely! haha I'm excited to see my body after my marathon!

Weekly Miles

Monday- 6
Tuesday- 4.5
Wednesday- 3
Thursday- rest :)
Friday- 4.5
Saturday- 6 w/hills
Sunday- rest
Total miles: 24
Saturday run was a fairly difficult run, so thats why the fewer miles. Saturday we try to do 7+. We went trail running, so fun, and ran some good hills. It was also very windy. So windy that my training buddy and I really couldn't hear one another when we talked. (you know, I really need to give the name of my running buddy haha. Her name is Annie and she is so sweet and so awesome.)
She is really helping me a lot with learning about running. I've only been running 6 months now and I've learned so much.
Tomorrow I start running with my sister in law! She is starting exactly where I did. No running experience. I'm very excited to help her. I really love sharing my knowledge and helping those who want it. I will be posting our runs on this blog so everyone who is interested in starting running can see what we do!
Happy Easter everyone!