Why Run?

I've asked myself this several times in the last month. Why do I run? Well...with my history of depression, it is definitely helping me manage and over power depression. But why else? Is there more to it? Of course there is. The mere fact of when I was single and younger I was very active. I remember how it felt to get my butt kicked by my weight training teacher or my coach and how great it felt! I miss that feeling of getting my butt kicked. Today I ran my 2 mile run. It was a shorter run than usual but I would randomly sprint for as long as I could and then jog to recover. I had about .5 miles left and I was DEAD. DEAD!! I have forgotten how it feels to be that tired and that weak. And I loved it. I know I'm crazy. But if you too grew up with that feeling of getting your butt kicked in a workout (and enjoyed it) then maybe you understand where I'm coming from?

Today, as my house is totally silent, I sit and reflect on what I'm doing. Why run? To be completely honest, I feel like a failure. I feel like a fat mom with 2 beautiful blessings for children and a wonderful husband. And what about me? Maybe it's depression seeping in and I'm letting it control my emotions. But I really want to figure out why I want to run. I was thinking today...what is my ultimate goal? Running a marathon? That is 26 flippen miles! Holy heck! Me, Emily, would I even be able to finish something like that? It's incredible to think about. I would probably run it in 5 or 6 HOURS....HOURS!!! That's insane! So why do I have that goal?

I want to prove to myself that I'm stronger than I think. I want to have confidence (and a nice body) so that I'm not scared or jealous of other girls. My whole life I've been extremely jealous! I thought it'd be better after being married, but it's worse. (sorry honey) I want to feel amazing. (I also like to hear how amazing it is to run a marathon...so yes, part of it is bragging rights. Can you blame me? :)

How do I keep myself going? How do I ignore my mind when it's saying "just quit" "it's too hard" "someone will always be better/look better than you"

That's EXACTLY why I want to keep going! I want to feel beautiful. And for me that means having low body fat and muscles. I can do it! I will do it!

I texted my sister before writing this to see if I was crazy about wanting to run a half marathon in April. She said I could totally do it and look how far I've come in ONE month of running. I can now run 4 miles! FOUR MILES! Where as a month ago...I couldn't run ONE mile! Think about what I can do in 5 months! (that's when the half marathon is)

I'm so ready to move out of this chapter in my life. The chapter where I'm a fatty mom and lazy. I got rid of my facebook almost 4 months ago and then started getting addicted to pinterest and blogging. There's always something, right? But my sweet husband showed this clip to me the other night. Take a few minutes to watch it. I cried. A lot.

I love love love this message! This was totally me. Pushing away my family just to read my 400+ friend's status updates on facebook or looking to see who posted what on pinterest/blogger. I'm tired of wasting my life away. Tired of feeling like the time is slipping out of my hands and regretting it! I've made a commitment to only get on the internet with my girls are sleeping (I like to wake up before them), napping or after they've gone to bed. It's nice. 

Anyway, kind of got off topic. But in reality, if you do sit on the computer a lot during the day, I challenge you to get off and get outside. Go run. Start slow. My first 2 weeks I ran 1 minute, walked 1 minute for 20 minutes and then slowly increased my running time. (with that, I only ran maybe a mile with the 20 minutes.)

One last thing, I've decided to start running in the mornings now. Most my races are in the morning so I figured it might be better to train at that time. With that, I have to push a double stroller. 50 pounds + of children weight. It can be done and that stroller is only going to help in the long run. 

I really hope I can inspire people to get out and run. Especially Mom's. Being a mom is the hardest job and being a fatty mom makes it worse. Get your kids in a stroller and get out! I recommend running with a jogging stroller, HUGE difference. But get this, my jogging stroller...I got for $30 off craigslist! Don't need a nice, new EXPENSIVE stroller to get it done. Just FYI. :) 

p.s. I LOVE hearing from you guys! I've gotten texts and emails and it motivates me! Thanks for all the love!