Feel Good Moment

You know when you start working out and you get going good for a month and then life takes over and you get busy and stop working out? Well, that was my story for a very long time. 5 years. I have a very "feel good moment" I want to write down to remember. 


Now no disrespect what so ever here, this is just for me to remember and for me to keep motivated. 


I started running with a friend for a while. We became really good and she pushed me to run miles I never thought I could. I ran my first 4 mile and 5 mile runs with her. Just having a running partner was awesome. Well about a month ago, finals hit and other stuff got in the way and she stopped running. I didn't have any excuses to stop running so I continued. Now, a month later, finals are over and life has slowed down for my friend so she started running with me again. I'm telling this story for this reason. We have ran twice together in the last few days and I've come such a long way. Today I ran 7 miles and she ran 3. While it's so awesome she is able to run again, I'm very pleased with what I've been able to do since she's been gone. Normally I would stop running and not do anything. And then, like my friend now has to do, I'd have to build myself back up to where I was. But I don't have to do that again. Because of my perseverance, commitment, goals, whatever you want to call it, I've continued to run and have become much better than I was a month ago. 


It was a moment that I needed. Something to prove to myself I'm still doing a good job. Especially in this season. With the holidays, it's been hard. I still get my workouts in, but I eat like crap. I'm not losing any weight but I'm not gaining any either. I haven't been pushing myself to go further/faster as much as I did when running with my friend, but I was still out doing something and doing that something has helped me. 


Every now and again, I need an eye opening moment so I can continue. Things start getting mundane and boring and it's very easy to stop. And then a month later, I'd start up again and repeat everything. But not this time. I've continued and I will continue. I am getting stronger and it sure feels amazing. As I was finishing up my last 2 miles today, I had a good conversation with myself. I've FINALLY started on my journey to who I want to become. This whole running thing is making me a better person. Physically and emotionally. 


I know I talk about this a lot, but after having my first baby, I became very depressed. I was a very angry, bitter person. I was always nagging and getting mad at my husband. I would get so mad at my baby who was so young. I can remember just screaming and hitting and feeling like crap. Feeling like nobody liked me, everyone was out to get me and to make my life miserable. I thought my husband thought every other girl out there was better than me and that he would leave me because of that. I was in a very, very dark place. I'm so blessed though to have my husband still with me after all the (insert curse word here) I put him through. And to have my daughter who is now 3 not remember anything. I was depressed until I had my eyes opened in 2010. I left my husband because "he was...he did...he...blah blah blah" I always blamed him. But after coming back after being gone for almost 2 months, things were better. Fast forward a year, we were blessed with our 2nd daughter. She is now 9 months old. I haven't been even close to as bad and as horrible as I was with my first. I've been able to enjoy her a 1,000 times more than I was able to with my first. BUT...I would still randomly slip into my depression. I would get after my oldest for silly things. I would yell so loud and was just never happy with her. I mean, I was....but I wasn't. Since I started running, I've slowly started getting happier. A complete happiness. I don't get after my oldest as much...still do...she's 3 and very busy/crazy. But I'm able to finally enjoy her. My husband and I are getting closer mainly because I'm not so jealous, accusing, whatever anymore. Another story to remember....With my husband, if we are out and I see a pretty girl, I would automatically assume he thought she was prettier. How high school, right? I know. But it's the truth. When we would meet friends and someone new was there, boy or girl, I was always intimidated and would never talk. It would take a few get together's to really feel I can be myself. If it was a girl...it would take a lot longer. But the other night, my husband and I went out and we met a friend and his new girlfriend. Normally, I wouldn't say anything and would have big letters across my forehead that said "B*I*T*C*H. (meaning me.) But we went out and I was laughing and messing around. I was myself. I feel so confident in every way that now I don't have a sign like that on my forehead anymore. I'm able to socialize better and communicate better. It's really awesome. I know in the past couple weeks I've sent texts to my sister and husband saying how great I feel and how I love feeling this way. AND that I love feeling pretty. Yes! I finally feel like I am pretty. I know how to do my hair and make up now and with me actually fitting into clothes and feeling good. I can remember before losing the weight and feeling good, there were more days than not that I would cry and cry because I didn't have anything that fit or that looked nice. I wouldn't go out because I looked fat. I would cry because I didn't want to go to church because I looked fat. I cried when going shopping because I couldn't find any clothes that fit me. Now when I go shopping, I cry because I don't have enough money to buy all the cute clothes I find. Ok, maybe I don't really cry about that but you get the point.

We took a few family photos the other day and when I saw this photo, I literally cried. (I cry a lot, huh?) But I cried because I finally liked the way I looked. Normally I would delete the picture and then not take anymore. But finally, I can have photos with my family and think that I look beautiful. What a great feeling. 


I challenge all who read this to start something. Get up, get off facebook/pinterest and do something for yourself. Speaking of facebook, I honestly feel that had a role in my depression. I would read my friend's status updates about how amazing this was they did with their family, how amazing their husband's are...blah you get the picture. I 100% dislike facebook and I think it's a complete waste of time. I think people abuse their rights of status updates and I wonder how many people just update to get attention, to show off, to feel better about their lives. Got off topic a bit, but I do challenge you with this new year, set some goals and KEEP THEM! Do something. I promise you, your life will get better. You will feel so much happier. I PROMISE!