Reflecting A Little

I have days where I just sit and remember life before. My husband and I just celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary. Looking back on our marriage, I can't help but remember me. Remembering who I was. I was very young when I got married, 20 years old. Before being married I wasn't the best at keeping things cleaned, I never really cooked, and I helped with laundry but didn't do it all the time. So getting married and then having all those "duties" on my list was very over whelming. Our apartments weren't very clean, when I did wash laundry I folded it but it all stayed on the couch, and dinners....ah....ya...no comment. As these 5 years have past I'm still not that great with chores. I do cook a whole lot better. But cleaning and laundry...are not a pleasant chore. As I'm sure is the same with lots of wives/moms.

I was reflecting on my life. After having my first daughter, almost 4 years ago, I became very depressed. I never left the house. I hardly ever got dressed in clothes, just wore my pj's all day. My house was a disaster. My marriage was very....what's a good word...um..hard? We had lots of fights, LOTS, and we never got along. It was very trying. And VERY tiring. So...after a while of this, I left.  I wanted a divorce. I was so tired of how my life was and always feeling the way I did. We were separated for 6 weeks. Being away from my hubby I had some time to think and kind of relax. I had my eyes opened several times as to how I was behaving towards my husband. I began to feel really guilty. Guilty for treating him the way I did. Long story short, we figured things out.

(Just a little add it...since I've started running, my depression as slowly gone away. It really hasn't been until recently where my home life has been better. I have felt great, but with the past being what is was, things at home still weren't amazing....it was great...but now it's amazing! We all laugh more and want to spend more time together. I have always dreamed of having a great marriage. Having a marriage where me and my hubby will laugh lots and love no matter what. I can finally say, after 5 years, we are just about there. We spent the weekend in Utah together and never got annoyed with each other. Normally it's after an hour we are snapping haha I am finally having fun in my marriage and getting along with my hubby. Know this, my husband is a wonderful man. I, with my problems, didn't see that. He is very sarcastic and always happy. I get annoyed with him. Now, I get it. Now I'm happy and now we are happy. It's a great feeling. Especially after so many years of pointless trials, caused by me. (No I'm not brain-washed hahaha) I'm just truly happy and able to take a freakin joke now!)

So, not only was my home life a challenge, I haven't even begun on my weight problems. Back in high school I was very fit. I played volleyball, ran track (sprints...100meter dash, 300meter hurdles) I also was a dancer. Needless to say, I was in great shape. I after high school I played volleyball at a jr college for a year. It was that year that I got to the best shape of my life. If anyone has played college ball, you know that it's a huge step up from high school ball. Intense lifting, long practices. My point is, I have NEVER dealt with weight issues. I never even thought about my weight. Sure, I was insecure with my looks, but I never stressed too much over it.

After playing college ball I started gaining weight. I believe I was 125lbs and the summer before I got married I was 132. I was married in April '07. Didn't gain much weight until I became pregnant. After having my first child I was never able to get back down to 125lbs. I tried, but not very hard. Started a lot of new workouts...never finished them. I can remember talking with my husband before becoming pregnant with our second child, we had decided that we would start trying to get pregnant when I weighed 125lbs. After a few months of "trying" I ended up giving up and then got pregnant. I weighed 145lbs. After having my second child in April '11 I got down to 162lbs. I stopped nursing which helped in the weight loss journey. I started running weighing in at 150lbs. So with the history I have laid out, I hope you would gather that to me...weight this much was sickening. I did not like the way I looked. I know I've talked about this before, but being so depressed, having weight issues took me to the max. I had a hard time. This was a huge trial for me. But I'm happy to say that after months of HARD work....and consistency....I have made it past my goal! I know weigh....

 (I promise it's a photo of the scale...it was dark this morning when I weighed in;)

I cannot believe I have come this far! It still seems so unreal! I was kind of nervous this morning after seeing I had lost more weight, but I've never done this before. I don't know what my body likes...what weight it's comfortable at. But after thinking about it, I'm fine. I eat right...with some extra sweets...I'm strong and have no issues lifting heavy things. So I'm not worried. Back in my college days of being 125lbs, I was muscular. I had a nice 6 pack and defined muscles...running is helping me lose weight and I have a different body. I'm slim and not so muscular. Either way, I'm feeling great!

I was sort of worried in the beginning if I'd still think of myself as a "fatty" after losing weight. But I don't. I love being able to wear skinny jeans. I've actually just gained my sister's "skinny clothes" she JUST had her baby on 4/22 so needless to say, she won't need them for another week or so. haha But my sister has always been skinny. She has a different body type than me. She's a stick and I was more muscular build. But with running now, I'm slim enough to fit in her clothes! haha It's awesome. Anyway, kind of a long post. But I wanted to make sure people know my past and know how hard I've worked for this weight loss. Don't get depressed by my postings on facebook, I'm only celebrating! Not trying to brag and make a huge scene. Just is fun to help motivate others!

Oh ya! I am running a 5k race THIS Saturday! I love 5k races and haven't ran one since the beginning of December! I'm a little nervous, only because I'm super competitive and NEEDING to beat my previous time of 26 minutes and ONE second. Wish me luck!

ps...I know I missed my weekly miles on Sunday...so I'll post them here.

Weekly miles for 4/16-4/20
This week was different...I had horrible shin splints so I took the week off...except for running with my sister in law.
We ran:
Monday, Wednesday and Friday...walk 1 minute, run 1 minute for 20 minutes.

I'm hoping to start running again after this weekend. Need to get my new shoes. So yes, I'm running a 5k with my shoes that give me problems but at least I'll have my inserts so maybe I can make the 3 miles!