Life Lesson

I feel I have come a long way this past 6 months. Not only have I lost 25 pounds and hit my goal weight, which I never thought I'd do, but I've also been able to change my outlook on life and my attitude. I realized how lucky I am to have such a wonderful man to call my husband and 2 amazing girls for daughters. BUT the thing I want to write down to remember is this....

On Friday, March 30th we had a birthday party for my baby who turned 1! At that party, I had my wonderful sister videotape my baby eating her cake and then opening presents. Well, during the presents I was the one helping my baby learn all about the tissue paper and what to do with it. There was a moment where I got annoyed and kind of snapped my command. When I saw how I LOOKED I nearly died. I have NEVER seen myself in a video so seeing how I really looked, it was really heartbreaking. I had no idea how rude and mean I looked.

But...on the other hand, I also saw another side of me...I have NEVER thought I was pretty. Always had low self-esteem. And for once I saw myself, the smiling parts, and thought I really was pretty. I have been told my whole life how pretty my smile is. I never really thought anything of it. Until seeing this video, I really do have a pretty smile.

What did I learn from this? Smile more! Smile all the time! I really am truly embarrassed for how horrible I look when I'm mad, upset, annoyed, or frustrated. It's amazing(ly sad) to see how I look when I feel annoyed. I never thought that I looked annoyed...I tried to play it off with a smile. But you could tell it was fake and honestly I look like a total B word.

I truly am sorry to my friends and family who I have offended with my looks. Having seen myself, I have made a goal to smile more. I now know how pretty I am when I smile and I want people to see that rather than the very mean looking side. Honestly if looks could kill...I'd be a serial killer. I really truly am sorry.

Since seeing this video, I have been happier. It's been a few days but I don't think I've ever smiled so much. My husband even called me cute. (Side note...my husband is awesome. He occasionally will tell me I look pretty but I normally have to pry it out of him, so it's a HUGE deal for me when he says it without prying. Again...I cried...remember I cry a lot :)

I'm trying very hard to be more positive. Taking the negative with a grain of salt. I feel so completely happy. Even back in the good old high school days, I was a very happy person but never felt complete. I was always insecure and thought everyone was prettier than me. But now, I feel I'm among the pretty ones...that sounds cheesy...but I'm not comparing myself to every girl that walks by. I stand a little taller and smile a lot more and know I'm just as pretty.

I'm so extremely happy where I have come in the past few months. I can remember back when my first daughter was born and dreaming of the kind of person, wife, and mother I wanted to be and then thinking how I was no where close to that. But I can now say I have taken a big step closer and really truly am doing what I know is right.

I hope this all makes sense. Just a lot of scrambled thoughts going through my mind right now and I want to remember this.